Alright kc. New rule.

Stop being such a coward. Stop ruining today with obsessing over tomorrow’s fears. Just stop. Seriously.

While you’re at it, start asking yourself, “WW3MTLKCD?”(What would 3 months to live kc do?)

Don’t be stupid, and lets not take this to the extremes which are entirely possible, just simply think about it next time you find yourself between a rock and a shithole of a situation.

Remember that tattoo you’ve been wanting to get now for the past 20 some odd years but have been to chicken to get? Go get it … Remember that motorcycle you never bought because they’ve always put the fear of god into you? Go buy one … How about those salsa dance lessons you’ve never taken for fear of feeling embarresement? Get your ass to shaking …

Remember how you wanted to take out that 1 million dollar loan to buy a ferrari, get it up to 200mph+ on I-25 …. don’t do that. That’s stupid, and not even “WW3MTLKCD” would do that … you see what I’m saying? Don’t be stupid, but stop sweating the small stuff dude.

…..

This year has been alot about reflection to be honest. For every step I take forward, I feel I’m taking two steps back. Besides taking two steps back, today was one of those days where I just felt like I got punched in the gut.

Another great person at work died of cancer today.

I wasn’t the greatest of friends with her, and I didn’t get to know her as well as I would have liked to, but I knew her well enough that when the information was relayed to me I felt a punch in the gut. I suppose having such ties to Cancer will do that to you but this is different.

Her story is simliar to that of Randy Pausch. If you do not know who this incredible man was, then please, I’d encourage you to watch the youtube video entitled “The Last Lecture”. It’s basically a hypothetical lecture a professor would give to his/her students if they felt they only had X amount of time to live. In Randy’s case, he really did give the lecture, and he really only did have X amount of time to live. Again, I’ll reiterate, if you haven’t had the chance to watch the full hour and 20, you really owe it to yourself to watch it. Was an incredible inspirational speech.

Of course, with Jen’s passing today, I was reminiscent of that speech, and of course alot of my thoughts about how happy and vibrant they both were even with their diagnosis. It got me thinking about how I’d handle my life, how I’d handle that adversity. If I’m honest, I’d probably fall apart like a cheap suite, but as emotional and difficult it is to imagine, it was a good exercise and an even better reminder that tomorrow’s not promised.

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

I’ve said it before. I’ll probably say it again in a future post. It’s easy to think that it is, given it’s just another day. But god damn. It’s not.

The sad thing is, if I were to not wake up in the morning, and go to the pearly gates, and be asked “So what did you do the last 30 days on earth.” I wouldn’t have much to show for it. In fact, not just the 30 days, but probably the past 27 years.

That got me thinking, about what the FREAK I’m doing on this planet. What’s my purpose. I dunno, and if I’m truthful, that makes me really sad. “Well, he was a great programmer, but didn’t really make anything of significance”, “Uh,,, he loved his dog Bella more than anybody would ever know”… ok great… but is that it?

I’ve got nothing to show for myself. Nothing.

Besides that sad state of affairs, I got to thinking how this is the second time in really memory how cancer has taken those away from us much too soon. Today I’ve experienced a wide array of emotions. Anger, depression, sadness.

I can do sad. I’ve dealt with it before, and what’s encouraging to know is that after sadness comes peace. After peace comes happiness.

It all comes full circle.

Start being a better person. A better friend. A better brother and son. So on and so fourth. Start living life as if you’ve only got one life to live . Take chances, do what makes you happy and don’t be stupid.

Most importantly celebrate life.

When I was a kid, a good friend of mine passed away from a brain tumor, and I remember hearing about it at the ronald mcdonald house while playing pool with this beautiful hippie volunteer. She was this hippie college chick who was trying to get credits for her degree. She had bob marley playing in the background, and I had this same feeling of low, this same feeling of being punched in my gut. No woman no cry came on the radio at that very moment, and as odd as it sounds, I’ve always related this song to death. In a good way though…. I’ve shared these lyrics here before with you, maybe you didn’t catch them, but I posted them all over my blog. Here for example. I know, it sounds crazy, how can that song remind you of death, and how can it be in a good way? I’ll share again, and hopefully they bring you some peace like it has for me.

Good friends we have had, oh good friends we’ve lost, along the way
In this bright future you can’t forget your past
So dry your tears I say

…

My feet is my only carriage
So I’ve got to push on through
But while I’m gone…
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright
Ev’rything’s gonna be alright

One Love all. Peace,I’m outta here

-kc

PS.

I’ve re-read this post, it doesn’t make sense, it’s a thousand different fragmented thoughts poorly conveyed in a thousand different fragmented words and I’m ok with this. Kind of how I’m feeling right now and it’d be disingenuous of me to go back and edit.

I’ve been figuring out how to write this now for the past 2 weeks. It’s funny how little I blog, and how much I think about blogging.

Last year around this time, I wrote a post regarding things I learned in 2010. I wrote down things that made me happy in 2010 and it really helped me alot. Even if I’ve said it a billion times, It’s always good to reflect.

So this year, in light of the new year, I wanted to jot my thoughts down here. My top moments and my top lessons learned from 2011. This will mostly written future versions of myself, so if I say YOU, I don’t mean YOU, I mean YOU, the kc of the future reading this.

Things the 2011 version of kc will tell the 2012 version of kc

You’re not perfect, stop claiming to be
I never claimed to be perfect, but more times than not my actions made it appear that I was perfect(or at least that’s what I was TRYING portray). It’s not the truth, and it really puts you at a disadvantage. Part of leveraging your strengths is knowing your weaknesses. Embrace them. Work on them. Digging deeper into this, you’re not perfect and you don’t know everything. That means, learn about other people. Learn their strengths, utilize them anyway you can without using them. Learn from them their strengths. It’s a very simple concept. Divide and conquer. Start leverging other people who are better than you in different aspects of life. Be it work. Be it personal. Be it spiritual.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
2011 really threw alot of shit at you. Alot. In an effort to be more “responsible” you tried to devise plans, and routes and alternative routes, and various detours to help get back on plan. It doesn’t work for you. It never will. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. Fly by the seat of your pants. Sure, it gets hectic at times being unprepared, but you’ll save so much time. Time that you spent planning, you can plan doing.

Continue to be a better person.
I’m not talking about solving world hunger, nor am I talking about finding the cure for cancer, but continue doing your part. You did exceptionally well in 2011, but you can do better in 2012.

Get back on track with physical activities.
I don’t care what. I don’t care if you play dance dance revolution for an hour a day. Resolve to do some physical activity for an hour a day each day this year. Dont’ count taking Bella for walks either. I know you take her for crazy long walks every day, spending an hour and a half at the doggy park(keep doing this too), but do something for yourself. Do something fun, that doesn’t feel like a chore, but is an activity to keep yourself moving.

Only dead fish go with the flow.
Continue to push. I don’t know what specifically to push but continue to push. Don’t be complacent. This applies to everything in life. Keep pushing! You’ll know what this means when you get there.

Top Moments of 2011

Taking my mom and sister to Red Rocks.
That was alot of fun, and hopefully it got to show them how awesome Denver was. It’s really cool too showing my family Denver. I forget that my sister has lived in a big city, but my mother I don’t think has really done anything out of her comfort zone.

Toss me around, put me on the Mosh Pit!
Seriously, that just happened recently, but it was too cool not to mention here. It really got me to think differently in certain aspects of my life, so much so, I even blogged about it.

The new gig.
I was sitting at a training seminar probably my second week working at my new job, that I started back in February. After an 8 hour interview process, meeting countless people, taking too many tests and then finally making it. Was definitely a cool moment, however, even cooler was sitting at this training seminar, as if I was in an AA meeting. I had to give my name, occupation, and basically my path in life to get there. As others went around the room, people had worked at Netscape, Yahoo!, Flickr, Nokia, Microsoft and the list goes on and on. It was pretty awesome, BUT! It wasn’t that moment. It was the moment directly after I stated my piece that I felt I could accomplish even more. “Even though I’ve come so far, I’ve got so far to go.” They say an attribute of a great athlete is simply the amount of pressure he/she puts on themselves. That no matter how bad they are criticized, or how much pressure is put on them from the media, fans or teammates, none of it compares to the amount of pressure they put on themselves. I feel the same way, but in my own life.

Day 50 of my p90x challenge
I didn’t realize it at the time, in fact, I was pretty pissed off. But when I got to day 50 of my challenge I know for a fact I felt awesome. I was pissed off because I didn’t see any improvements. Which was false, I did’t FEEL any improvements, but that too is false. I don’t know why I quit, but I did and I haven’t been able to get back to my workout program, but that hopefully will change sooner rather than later.

My 3 minutes of walking on water
By walking, I mean wakeboarding. In 2011, I was able to get up on the wakeboard for a good 3 minutes on a bad ass boat. Was a ton of fun, and hopefully I can keep it going this year but the moment I went up and was like, “Holy smokes! I’m wakeboarding!” was pretty epic. Of course, 2 seconds after that thought, I freaked out, and fell flat on my face, but that was the start of something special.

My first trip to the ocean
Me and a buddy went to E3(Los Angeles) in the summer and it was EPIC! Went to the nokia center, convention center, and saw the ocean. Was incredible. So much so, for 3 months after I returned all I thought about was moving. Was amazing, in Denver, when you come into the city from the East, you come over the hill and *POOF* the rocky mountains are visible all in one moment. The same with the ocean. From LA, you just head West and *POOF* you run out of road and see nothing but water. Maybe one day I’ll move. For now though I’ve rediscovered my love of Colorado which is good because of how amazing it is. I will be visiting California soon.

The Fishing Trip’s first night of sleep
So me and my father go on a yearly fishing trip in NW New Mexico. The weather was amazing, but the nights were really chilly. I taught Bella how to sleep in a sleeping bag with me, in case things did get dicy. I didn’t want her getting too too cold. So in preparation for our trip, about a month before leaving, I slept in a sleeping bag and of course Bella would sleep with me. Well, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT Bella would wake me up at like 2 in the morning, make her grunting noises and of course I’d let her out. So it really wasn’t going great. The first night we were camping, it was chilly. Chilly Chilly! We got ready for bed, Bella cuddled up with me in my bag, and the next thing I know, it’s morning. I’m ready to get up and ready to fish, and what do I see/feel? Bella has her nosed just out of the sleeping bag just enough to breathe, and of course, it’s right next to my face. She’s completely out of it, and we were enjoying each other’s warmth. I remember just sitting there for an extra hour with her until she woke up, and when she did, she wiggled her way out of the bag and gave me a kiss. I know she can’t speak to me, but the way she looked at me after that very moment was like she was thanking me, and letting me know she needed me as much as I needed her.

Final Thoughts

2011 was a decent year. Not a great year, not a crappy year, just an average year. You did alot to lay the ground work for a better future you, but please dont’ be complacent. Don’t be content. Keep on keeping on.

There were some pretty great moments though. There were some pretty low moments. Actually, if we were being honest with each other, there were alot of low moments. Alot of them. I really don’t know what I can tell you to get over these moments, other than to keep relying on what you’ve always relied on. Friends, Family and Music.

If I could sum up the year 2011 for you with a title of a hit tv show, it would be “Lost”. Remember, life isn’t about finding yourself it’s about creating yourself.

With that in mind, this year, 2012, should be named “Growing Pains”. This year should be about moving forward, learning from your past mistakes AND creating new ones. Yes. Creating new ones. All part of being an adult and learning. Hence, the growing pains. It’s ok to make mistakes, just not the same ones twice. If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not taking enough chances. Learn from missed opportunities and past mistakes and please, for the love of GOD, Keep pushing forward!. Week by week. Day by day. Hour by hour. Inch by inch.

Keep pushing forward.

Peace, I’m outta here,
-kc

I realize I use this blog, no more for updates, but more of reflection when things … well, when things suck. By things, I mean “life”.

It’s not so much that it’s public for others to read(although hopefully it helps others realize they aren’t the only ones in the world screwed up), but by me putting pen to paper helps me to let it go. It’s as if once it leaves my head, and put on paper, it’s out of my head for good.

The past few weeks of life have been humbling, sobering and really just depressing but as usual, life offers a lesson, even if it’s the worst way possible.

I suppose I’ll start with the trivial. The, not so important but plays a factor.

I’m single. Still. Again. *insert adjective here*

There are really only two events out of the year that make being a bachelor really downright depressing. The first is Valentines day. I realize it’s a overly commercialized holiday, but at the core, it’s really screams to me, “Be thankful that you’re in a relationship”. Of course that assumes you’re in a relationship that makes you happy. I’ve been in one relationship where I felt like, if I pursued the “break up”, severe emotional damage would have been had and thus I stayed in it for far too long. The other occasion is Christmas parties. With work it’s weird because I work with a bunch of nerds, who have somehow secured meaningful long lasting relationships. There isn’t anything quite like seeing people whom you subconsciously think are nerdier than you with their spouses to make you feel like damaged goods.

Add to it the 10 or so dates I’ve had, I’ve endured the “no call backs”, sprinkle in the few times I’ve been stood up and well, you get a man(me) that’s running on 0 confidence, and just enough pride to limp along with.

By no means am I “ok” with it, and I do realize I’m not a perfect catch for everybody, but the thought of, “Hey, you… yes you. You being you isn’t good enough for me.” is really humbling and moreso depressing. Although I’ve been in this situation more times than not in my life, I’ve learned to deal with it. I think I manage this portion of my life rather well, but even so, there is only so much a man can take and this just lowers the depressing hole one can find them in by a few feet.

There was somebody at work who had passed away a month or two ago due to cancer. I can’t admit to honestly knowing him on a personal level, but I did interact with him on a few occasions as he played a vital role with our receivers team. It just sucks. Plain and simple. Cancer is a hideous disease, that doesn’t have an ounce of mercy within it. It doesn’t care about race, sex, age or anything. Once you’re number is called, it’s called. Anyways, I bring this up because at our holiday christmas party/meeting, a moment of silence was given to him, and I thought that was incredible. I’ve not worked at, until now, a company that cared so much about it’s employees. They made donations to a local cancer fighting organization in every employees name and in november every year going forward, they will sponsor a blood drive. It’s really incredible and I was deeply moved by the gesture. It got me thinking about my time fighting the dragon and how I was very lucky to survive. Fast forward the company meeting and somebody mentioned how they’d like to donate our work to charities, especially those that deal with kids fighting cancer.

Anyways, I can’t really describe how shitty I felt. I know what a fuck up I’ve been, and what a mind fuck cancer has had on me  and to know others are currently going through it now is just really shitty. Did I mention how much I hate cancer?

Another reason I think I’ve been so humbled/down lately is because a my buddy Max is no longer with us. He was a proud protector and although he was a dog, he was definitely a great friend. When I got wind of the news, it was like an elephant sat on my chest.

So … I brought up my coworkers story, and also max’s story to share these long winded thoughts.

My coworker,before he died, requested that everybody who attended his funeral wear a silly hat. I assuming as a way to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. It got me thinking, that if I could have a five minute conversation with Max, he’d probably want the same thing. You know, now that I think about it, I would want this too. So I figured I’d share one of the many great memories I have of my Max as a way to celebrate life, rather than mourn death.

Max hadn’t been more than a year old, but he was already family by that point. We had a booth setup along the circle that was to be used for the Relay for Life. Essentially, people walk 24 hours straight to help money to find a cure for cancer. Right next to our booth, we had our tent setup and it was late so I was ready to go to bed. I tried to sleep, but for 10 minutes, there was scratching outside the tent. It was max wanting to come in with me. As it would turn out, I didn’t get much sleep because as people would walk by he would huff and puff and growl at the people walking past where I was trying to sleep. He stayed up all night watching over me, and into the morning, and he then stayed with my mom to watch over her as well. Poor guy was so tired from his protecting duties that he slept for a solid day before he was back to being normal and peppy Max.

“Good friends we’ve had, and good friends we’ve lost … along the way. In this great future, you can’t forget your past. So dry your tears I say.” ~Bob Marley

Life’s uglyness has again shown it’s head, with death, past experiences, and of course my current level of optimism at an all time low. It’s been safe to say that the past few weeks for me have been humbling.
It kind of all came together for me last night though, this whole life thing, on the outskirts of a mosh pit of all places.

You see, I stereotyped mosh pits for meatheads and idiots …. and I was right. I didn’t realize though, how uncivily civil it was. Uncivily is the act of not being civil and is a word I just concocted. However, I’d never really seen too many of them given the type of music I listen to doesn’t really necessitate a mosh pit, and two, once they start up, I tend to head in the opposite direction because quite frankly, I’m a coward. There is really one rule for a mosh pit, and that is, everybody stops once somebody falls down, and everybody helps pick that person up. Once that person is back on their feet, chaos ensues, elbows fly and people go back to being meatheads and idiots. But seriously, somebody falls down, everything stops, person is helped up by the same people that just knocked him down, and literally the second he/she is back on their feet they are back to thrashing around pretty violently. It literally is the most civil and uncivil place you can be at THE EXACT SAME TIME. Dudes. Chicks. It didn’t matter. If you’re in the pitt, elbows up, and start running. The very first pitt that formed, we were literally like 3 people away. I was honestly uncomfortable, as the rules I mentioned above I didn’t know given it was such a unique experience for me.

By the time wayne static came on(the dude who was in static x), the mosh pit was ridiculously chaotic. At least it was something I wouldn’t run through, whether it was a crappy one, I’ll probably never know, but you get the point. I know what you’re thinking. What was I doing at such a concert?

Free tickets.

Anyways, at this point there were two pitts, where we were standing that just automagically formed. You got dudes going from one side to another, drunk, high, bloodied lips, cuts above the eyes, all having a great time. There really wasn’t a choice to move or leave, given how the pitts formed you were just kind of stuck there left to defend yourself. There wasn’t a mosh pit located 3 people away, it was happening regardless there and now. You’d push people who got to close to you, go grab dudes who had fallen over next to your feet and pick themup. Between songs, I looked to one of the guys who were forming the boundaries and I was like, “Do you just push them back in if they get to close?” and he responded “What, you’ve never done this before?”. Keep in mind. Next to a mosh pitt, at a static x concert, I’m in a really nice polo shirt and a dress coat. I kind of did the hand wave thing as if to say, “look at me,does it look like I’ve done this before?”. HAHA, He nodded as if to say “Yup” and the mosh started up again. Just to note, I wasn’t actually in the pitt, but I was in what they call “The Wall”. It’s made up mostly of brave cowards. One guy fell down and after I picked him up, I pushed him square into the middle, he got wacked, and he came walking slowly, drunkly towards me and I was like, “dammit, I let my guard down and now I’m going to get my ass kicked”. Instead though, he high fived me and lipped(it was bloody loud) what I think was “That was awesome!”.

I didn’t really care for static-x, errr, wayne static last night, and I probably won’t today. However I do have a new found respect for their style of music. By the end of the night, I was throwing up the rock sign with my right hand, shoving drunken meathead idiots back into the pitt with my left hand, and it was awesome!

Like I said, I’d just been given the “no call” on a previous date and wasn’t feeling all that great about myself. Thinking about Max. Thinking about life and how unfair I felt it had been to me. You know, typical self pitty stuff. It’s when I just relaxed, enjoyed a new flavor of music, let out my agression on drunken idiots and then and there it just sort of hit me. Like an anvil out of a classic cartoon.

Life is really like a mosh pitt to an uber nerd like myself. It can be super super uncomfortable at times, and most of the time I’ve spent my time running away from it. Every now and then when shit happens, it kind of just forms itself around you, and you can’t control a damn thing. Sometimes you know the rules of the pit, and other times you just learn as you go. You just hope if you get knocked down, you’ve got a supportive cast to pick you back up again.

If I’ve learned anything over the past 24 hours, it’s been this.

It’s always darkest before the dawn. And I’ve been fool and I’ve been blind, I can never leave the past behind. Just shake it out. Shake it out.

That’s florence and the machine by the way. I wouldn’t recommend finding your life altering mosh pit at one of her concerts(lol, you won’t find any), but I would recommend you go out of your way to find your own mosh pit in life, take your bloody eye, knicks and bruises, get out of your comfort zone , learn to relax and try to make the most of it. Because it will be over before you know it.
Peace, I’m outta here.

It’s funny how life changes from year to year, month to month, day to day. Hell. Moment to moment. One moment you’re on cloud nine, the next, six feet from the edge thinking six feed ain’t so far down. The ebb and flow of my life can be perfectly characterised by the past 3 weeks.

So I went to LA for the E3 conference. I’m still uploading photos, but you can check out what is uploaded by checking out my flickr page.

First, a little backstory.

I was born in a small town in upstate New York. As I was being popped out of the womb, the doctor literally sent me on a plane to live in England for 4 years. Supposedly, I’m suppose to have alot of amazing memories of England. Watching the Tour de France, in front of the Mona Lisa, searching for the Loch Ness monster, Stone Henge. You name it, in Europe, I’ve probably seen it. One small catch.

I don’t remember any of it.

Not just because I was so young, but because I was asleep mostly. Most awesome photos of me in England, are of me perched atop my fathers head fast asleep. There is a photo of me in front of the Mona Lisa, fast asleep and in the reflection you can clearly see me me sleeping on my dads shoulders. Same thing with Formula one race we went to, same thing with the Tour de France. Same thing with just about everything. Really the only thing I do remember is opening up a cooler that had spoiled milk in it and gagging in front of stone henge. We ended up leaving the cooler there for the hippies that would come by from time to time. Even that fond memory I have, I’m not 100% sure it’s even real. I think I remember it, I remember the situation, but I don’t recall if it was actually MY memory, or just a memory my folks told me and that I latched onto.

The reason for that short divergence is to explain this. I’d never seen the ocean. True, I’ve flown over it once in my life, but that doesn’t count. I don’t remember it and I have never set my feet into the incoming/outgoing tides of it, never have I seen a sunset over it.

Until that was, 3 weeks ago.

Me and a buddy of mine were going to the E3 conference. All in all it was an amazing vacation and perhaps I’ll blog about it, but for now, I just need to spew some ideas onto paper. Even if it means sounding like a schmuck in a few years time.

Needless to say, I’m hooked. I’m an ocean guy. They say that you’re either a fan of the ocean, or a fan of the mountains and luckily for me, living in Denver, I get to see the Rocky Mountains everyday. Please, don’t let me downplay that fact. I’m always checking out the Mountains, wishing I were romping through their trails, Tubing down their hills(when covered in snow), and tubing down their streams(when summertime). Amazed that in 90 degree JUNE weather there are still snowcaps on most of the mountain tops. There is so much to love about Denver. It’s the reason I’ve stayed here for the past 8 years of my life. I love just about everything about it. The people, the culture, the diversity, the hippies(yes, I do love the hippies). It’s fairly liberal, it’s a larger city but has that small city feel to it, the MOUNTAINS. There really isn’t alot that I don’t absolutely love about Denver, and if I’m honest, even the Broncos are starting to rub off on me.

Again, if I’m honest, when it came to my living situation(my condo situation not included), I didn’t really have a “situation”. It was just my location within Denver, or lack thereof, that really had me feeling a little empty inside.

Then I saw the ocean. I felt the chilly water as the waves came to and from the beach sinking my feet farther and farther into the same. The cool sea breeze across my face and just an amazing sunset on Manhattan beach. I’m pretty sure the only thing that could rival that sunset is the sunset I’m all too familiar with. The pink/orange skies as the sun is setting over the Rocky Mountains, directly visible every night to me when I bring Bella out to potty. To say it’s beautiful doesn’t give it justice.

It was just something about California …. LA … and more specifically the ocean that just captivated me. It made me want to be there, always, somehow someway. Almost like a trance.

I wanted to wait a few weeks to write this, because I probably would have sounded like a little gushing school girl getting ready for prom who had the biggest jock as her date. I wanted to wait a few weeks to write this because, like that brief moment in time when you first start dating somebody, that butterfly time period where all you can think about is seeing her again, you know … those moments?

I’m sold. I’m ready to move today. I want to move today if I could.

I can’t though. Too many other factors involved, but somehow someway I will get there. Even if it’s in 100 years, I’ll be adding living in LA to my bucket list.

What’s scary is I’m an ambitious guy to those who know me. I’m always seeking more. Be it financially, mentally. Be it in my career or in my personal life, the bar has always been set far too high. I’m not sure what motor inside of me that drives this ambition, but it’s there, and it’s clearly evident.

It’s amazing what happened when I returned from California.

Before I left, I was getting complacent. Comfortable and happy with where I am at in life. Once I returned though, it just re-motivated me to be that much better. That much more focused.

That much more ambitious to continue raising the bar that I have set for myself, just for life in general. To chase the big city dreams and to keep pushing the bar that I’ve set for myself.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…..

They say that you can’t cross a sea by merely staring at it. So if you don’t hear from me in a while, it’s because I’m out swimming.

Peace,
I’m outta here.

I wanted to clear my head about what’s been going on in my life the past few weeks. As usual, this is more for me than for you, but seeing as you’re here, feel free to follow along. I find that when I think aloud of problems I have, that I can approach the problems more clearly.

Before I get going, I wanted to just say something. This poor blog. It’s been my whipping post my entire life and sadly today will be no different. On a more upbeat note, seeing as I’m not a negative nancy(I only write about one in my blog), this blog has served as a great outlet of stress.

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on

The rockies are killing me. We’ve blown a few games in the 9th inning, and as much as I respect the work Huston Street does, he makes me nervous. Way nervous. Also, before I get to my negativity, let me just say that I absolutely love how when a home run is hit, you can see everybody’s head move with the location of the ball. That’s a pretty cool view if you ask me.

So, here we go … where to begin.

Wow.

Work is fine as of today, but two weeks ago I was pretty stressed out trying to mop up a mess I made. We released some major changes to the software and I missed a join in my SQL I changed. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal originally, and as it turns out it wasn’t but it took a week to figure out the damages. All in all I only sent out 6 emails to 25 people and 3 of those people’s the emails bounced. So roughly ~100 emails. Not a big deal I thought, and like I said, eventually it wasn’t but it was stressful none the less.

The same day I released my code I had an HOA meeting as well. To catch everybody up to speed. I bought a nice new condo about a year and a half ago. I really honestly do dig it, inside. Outside, is a little different story. Probably not the greatest area, and as I found out on Thursday two weeks ago, Section-8 Housing is supposedly going up where the other units were supposed to be built. I spent an entire day last week trying to figure out my city/county laws, and right now nothing is being built. However this information contradicts the local PD that says they know for a FACT that the land around my condo was sold and that the housing will be built within a year. Anyways, what I’m getting at is that the past two weeks of my life I’ve earned my paycheck, life swiftly and effectively kicked me in the pants.

Alot more has happened but that I’ll keep for another blog post. Maybe later. Maybe not. We’ll see. I’ve got this Linkin Park song stuck in my head. It’s called “Waiting for the end” and it basically sums my life up PERFECTLY at this very second…. go check it out.

So alot’s happened. As stupid as this is going to sound, I’ve really learned alot about myself in the past few weeks. It’s funny, when life is going well, my mind is usually racing, trying to solve this and that, I over think situations, am too over analytical, but when it comes to chaos and stress. My mind just stops, I see everything clearly and I just attack whatever comes my way.

No pressure no diamonds.

Peace, I’m outta here.