It would seem as if everytime I blog as of late, it’s turned to a venting session or something catastrophic. Sadly, this post isn’t the exception. It’s been a rough year for me. I know, I’ve stated that within numerous posts and still, with a month and half to go, the ’08 year isn’t quite through with me yet.

It seems as if almost two years ago exactly (well minus two weeks or so) that I’m going through the same thing. I suppose that’s why I blog. It’s curious to see the blog post title in which I posted before, and as I’m going through the same situation, I think the title fits perfectly.

“Even though I’ve come so far,  I know I’ve got so far to go and any day now I’ll explode”

~ Rise Against

I really do feel as if I’ll explode. It’s not a matter of years, months, days, hours or minutes but mere seconds. It’s amazing the amount of stress the human body can endure. I’m so nervous and stressed that I can’t eat, and usually when I do eat, it ends up coming back up anyways. I’m so stressed that I’m literally sick to my stomach. I find that sometimes I just shake and shake for no reason. It’s like my mind lets things go, but my body can’t quite grasp the concept.

Bend, but don’t break.

It’s an age old philosophy used in defense in football. It means, it’s ok to give up the field goal, but don’t give up the touchdown. I suppose in real life, one can equate that to: “Don’t let the little things bug you, and try to avoid like the plague the big things”.

Bend, but don’t break…. Yea right. I say, easier said than done.

So what’s the big deal? I’ll be unemployed again at the first of the year. No job, no health insurance, no income and today it’s as if it was the straw that broke the camels back.

I found out on the 5th that my company would be closing it’s door due to the shitty economy. I’m sure that’s not the only thing, but I need a reason to blame President Bush. Sue me. Better yet …. pray for me. I need all the help I can get.

I suppose I can say without a doubt that it wasn’t a total “shock”. Had I not been so naive I would have read the writing on the wall. “Hello, you do make real estate software, or have you forgot?”. I’m one part bitter, 100 parts depressed about it all.

I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. Utterly and completely hopeless, and that any day now I’ll explode.

“The heart is something you can’t control
We either choose to follow or be left on our own
So we’re leaving here on a less-travelled road
As desperate cries grow louder, I know we’re getting close, getting close”

~ Rise Against

Addendum:

So, these two songs, I’ve blogged about alot as I’m sure my faithful fanclub who have followed me throughout my journey have noticed. I don’t know what it is about these two songs, but it really strikes a chord with me. An incredible chord. Like a chord that says “Get your shit together and keep on trucking” ….. It’s a good chord. Oh, and sister, they are HUGE PETA activists. You should like them too!

Addendum#2:

So I’ve since taken the long lonley lightrail home, I’m listened two my songs on repeat ever since …. and I’m feeling a little bit of hope. It’s out of my control at this point. I should just go out and enjoy my weekend. Right? Right.