Yea, I know. It’s been a while. As I lay here on my couch I find it hard to believe it’s been over 2 weeks since my last update. Given I think about posting all the time. Given I imagine myself posting all the time. Given in my mind before I go to bed, the days events get replayed in my head on an infinite loop. Given my mind has screamed for a emotional outlet just to let everything out.

Sometimes it feels that nature takes it’s queues from me and my mind. I feel that somehow the major atrocities that have taken place over the last decade I’ve somehow controlled. Silly I know. I suppose it’ll help if I explain a bit. In 2004 hurricane after hurricane hit Florida. I remember I was working customer service with Dishnetwork full time, plus going to school full time. My life was very hectic, and the only calm I would get before and after the storm was a small amount of sleep. I suppose my life was a hurricane, and sleep being the center of it was acting as the calm before the storm. It makes sense, wake up and from a nice calming sleep, then back to a hurricane type life. To bring it to more modern times, Just recently a tragic earthquake hit. I believe it killed some 40,000 people and left hundreds of thousands without homes and shelter. That too was mirroring my life in such a way that I felt my life, my base, my surroundings were on uneasy ground. Something that could be easily removed from my feet. An Earthquake. Within the last week, levee after levee broke all along the Mississippi River. That too could be my fault. I figure my mind has been overloaded quite a bit, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Most of it so so, some of it negative. Ok, more negative then I’d ever admit. I’m not sure the human mind and spirit can be overloaded in such a way. I’m not so sure we were meant to hold so much stress and anxiety in. It’s just not possible. Eventually the mind explodes, and everything follows suit …. Much like the flooding happening currently in the midwest. The mind, body and soul, and in this case levees were only created to hold so much before it just breaks down.

I know that I’m not, but sometimes I just feel broken.

I do know that this was, nor ever will be, my fault. However, if I were to be put on trial today the evidence would be pretty damning. I figure if OJ can get off on murder charges, I could be found guilty of effecting nature with my mental and physical being. Who knows …

This weekend thus far has been pretty good. My buddy came into town who I haven’t seen in forever. I got to spend a whopping 20 minutes with the dude, but I suppose it’s better than nothing. He seems like he’s doing good, both he and his wife, although I have a sneaking suspicion that’s just a good show that’s being put on fo the world to see. It seems like everybody these days are putting on a good show, to give the illusion of a happy vibrant marriage. Why not just take your time and be patient and find the right one? I suppose that thought eludes me, and given that I’m not married and single too boot, the married folk with cry foul and claim I’ll never understand the married folks rationale, again, because I’m not married and single to boot.

I know… I know … spare me.

I’m on call this weekend, so I’m bound to the city. It’s not a bad thing, I really do love my job. However, it is such a shame given I hear the mountains beckoning me. Each and every visit, I long to be Burt Reynolds character in the movie without a paddle. He does’t seem too stressed out, anxiety ridden or in the least bit concerned with anything at all. Hopefully this coming weekend I’ll be back. I want to see the stars, feel the cool breeze on my face, smell the trees all around, feel the power of my heart as it gets thumping from almost flipping Dolly, the cringing of trees rubbing along the sides as if to give free pinstripping, to hear the rustling and sniffing outside my tent. Better yet. The smores, chedderwurst and little debbie snacks that comprise the best dinner a bachelor could ever eat. Beer too.

This life is way too short to get caught up and all mixed up…

I’m out ….

Peace.

Me and Dolly. A weekend or two back. No camping, although you see my tent as I was trying to get it dried out from the previous camping trips rain. Bleh.