The eight hundred pound gorilla, the over sized pink elephant, the monkey on my back. All of which have been quietly and patiently in my living room for quite some time now. I assure you, I kept them all plenty fed, and gave them adequate shelter. But please, between you and I, don’t let PETA know about it. I’m sure they’d be up in arms given I had them hiding underneath my sofa. In the words of the great Genie from Aladdin, “Itty bitty living space”.
From this exact moment on, my door remains open. No longer will the eight hundred pound gorilla, the over sized pink elephant, the monkey on my back be in my possession. They are free to go. So lets talk about it.
For the past few months I’ve done my best to keep quiet, to keep the gorilla, the elephant and the monkey out of plain site. For an even longer time, years even, I’ve kept my thoughts to myself. To speak when spoken to. Jump when asked to jump. Sit when asked to sit. Or at least so I thought ….
Friends. Now before I begin, let me try to walk a mile in a “friends” shoes.
Now before I begin, let me first preface this with the simple thought and acknowledgment that people change. Beliefs change. Ideas change. Thoughts change. Feelings change. In this case, and in my most unbiased opinion, friends change. Friends change. I understand this. I really do. Sometimes though, significant others are introduced into our lives that have no regard for how we live our lives. No regard for our family and no regard for our beliefs, or dare I say our well being? It would seem that these significant others who are introduced into our lives also are controlling, manipulative and unappreciative of who we are as individuals and unappreciative to the countless displays of devotion we show day in and day out. Yet, to an outsider looking in, it would seem that these are simply fallacies. A rather large misconception and interpretation of the untruth. If one were to peek into our daily lives they would see differently. Apparently one would see a completely different picture.
Fallacies. I’ll keep telling that to myself, and perhaps when I’m older and all the wiser I’ll believe them to be truth.
Sometimes life becomes too hectic, too frantic to have any rational thoughts, but by this time rational has been left far far behind. Slowly ones significant other turns to “family”, and sooner or later “family” takes over immediate family. Again, outsiders would see differently. They would only see the negative to it all. They would only see ones calender become too full for anything but “family”, too full to even call and cancel time after time. They would see and eventually feel the heat and burn of being placed on the back burner. They would only see the chaos and drama that ones newly found “family” has created. Again, only seeing the negative. However, if they were to see how sane and civil my life was before “family” and how chaotic and apparently fun loving it is now, perhaps they would be singing a different tune.
Fallacies. I’ll keep telling that to myself, and perhaps when I’m older and all the wiser I’ll believe them to be truth.
Sorry, I can’t do it anymore. Two paragraphs of walking in a friends shoe is two paragraphs too long.
Quick translation:
Friend dates first woman to take an interest and falls in love. Sadly, his roomates(Me included) believe they are horribly wrong for each other for countless of reasons. Controlling, manipulative, selfish, and unappreciative to name just a few reasons. Then proceeds to abandon everything and everyone for her. Over time becomes a lousy friend. Freely admits it. Refuses to heed any(or at least my) advice in seeking love elsewhere. Continues to abandon friends and family(myself included, or maybe just me?). Is still a lousy friend. Freely admits it. Still ignores countless warnings. Situation worsens. Being what I thought to be a good friend, I was supportive. Incredibly supportive despite my own personal thoughts and opinions of his relationship. Our friendship is on rocky terms …
And oh, by some weird twist of fate, 6 months later, I find myself crazy about his sister. By crazy I mean butterflies, love letters, check yes or no, I can’t stop thinking about her type of crazy.
Instead of supportive, friend doesn’t approve. Fallout of friendship ensues.
There you have it. My dirty laundry. My eight-hundred pound gorilla. The monkey off my back. I’ve never shy’d away from writing about my personal life before the in the past, and I although it saddens me, I won’t let the loss of a friend stop me now. Perhaps some would feel I’ve said too much. It’s weird because I feel I haven’t said enough.
Although I suppose I don’t really need to.
Signed,
-No longer a dirty little secret.
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