It seems like forever and a day since I last posted. I don’t know what’s gotten into me in regards to my lack of posting, but over the last 6-7 years it seems like it goes in stages. Sometimes I post with the floodgates open, other times it’s somewhat of a drought. Eeeek. Alot has happened since the last time I posted. It seems like it’s all too much for my brain to comprehend. Maybe I can put pen to paper and at least start. Given I’m so tired, I’ll stick to kiss. Keep It Simple Stupid. We’ll try to put it into a summary…. here goes nothing!

The Weekend Before Last.
I was finally able to figure out this iMovie thing. I found that the new version of iMovie ’08 is pretty much crappy, and that iMovie ’06 was for free to download! I inserted my movie, added a bit of mojo, a great song, and here is what I came up with:

I took more footage of me scoping out my next campsite. Hopefully I’ll get it posted soon enough.

Last week aka favorite sister week!
My beautiful, and my favorite, sister came to town to visit me and Denver for
the holiday weekend. We had such a great time! We did quite a bit of things … so here is a quick recap!
Friday: Nice and early I went to pick her up. We went to the 16th mall, and a nice walk down town. Gilatto ice cream. Good times.
Saturday: Bright and early we went to the zoo! Then to the coors brewery and then afterwards went to see the Colorado Rapids.
Sunday: We went up to the mountains for a good chunk of the morning. Might I say it was a never ending hike Oh, and a succesful voyage to taco bell.

Good times.

Sadly Monday morning I had to take her back to the airport. Hopefully she liked Denver enough to come back and visit me! Who knows …. maybe even move here?! *hint hint wink wink*

This week – Present aka up to today ….
For those that don’t know, my lease is coming to an end. It seems very surreal to know that it’s been just about a year that I’ve been on my own. How happy and how sad and concerned I was. Such a wave of emotions that I had felt, almost a year ago … it’s hard to believe it’s been almost a year! July 31st to be exact. Now I’m left in a conundrum. You see, I went in to the leasing office because they are having a $1k giveaway. I knew this was only for new signups, however, I figured, why not me?! Sadly, the lady was rather snob to me, and it’s almost out of spite that i want to leave this place now. I’m not sure though.

Anyways …. we’ll see. I have a month to get my act together. I need some words of encouragement …. and dont tell me I don’t live in the ghetto. BECAUSE I DO! So today I was doing a bunch of apartment shopping. Tons actually. Then I headed up north for my favorite chinese shop. Next, I did something I’ve been dreading for a while now to be truthful. I washed Dolly. I didn’t want to given all the trail damage/rash I had given her over the previous weeks. TONS AND TONS of trail rash. Bent running boards and I knew as soon as I washed her I would find more bad news. Surprisingly there was very little trail rash, and the bent running boards weren’t so bad. Even so, I hope to get an upgrade sometime soon!(which is another con of moving, more money would be needed, bleh). So with a pretty dolly, I then headed off to church. I came home, cleaned the house, and started to pack for my expedition next week. I’m going camping next weekend as I couldn’t this weekend given I was on call. I’m stoked.

Given I’m so stoked, I am getting tired … but hopefully for those interested I’ve caught everybody up to speed with my hectic roller coaster called life.

Until next time …

Peace.

I needed to escape. This past week has taken it’s toll on me so I figured an escape was in order.

I headed off at about 10 and have had a great time since then, up until now, right before work.

So what did I do that was so fun? One word.

The Mountains. Ok, so that was two, but it was a blast. The book I read regarding camping and offroading stated that Rampart Range Road was great because it connected to a ton of trailheads and that most were easy-moderate in difficulty. This road starts off in the middle of Garden of the Gods, and continues literally 20+ miles into the middle of nowhere mountains and the woodlands park area. Tons of fun things to do. Biking, hiking, fishing, boating, riding … you name it. There is a sign right by the turnoff onto the road that says it’s meant for high clearance SUV’s, although I saw a few passenger cars here and there, but none went too deep into the sticks.

About 12 miles into the road, keep in mind it’s a dirt/clay/gravel filled road that I’m not sure I would have ever taken Betsy on, but I digress. 12 Miles in, to the right there was the start of an un-named trail. For giggles I thought I would check it out. Turns out it went on for quite a while of really rocky terrain. Whipdy doos, gullies, a little river crossing and a few other neat and fun obstacles. Because this was my first real time out in the boonies with my new FJ, I took it easy, and I did all the obstacles quite a few times. For many reasons. First and foremost I felt like a little kid in a candy shop. The feeling passing over some of the obstacles left me saying wow! I couldn’t believe it! Lastly I wanted to get to know her limitations … and of course because I was having waaaaay too much fun. I did suffer some trail damage. Dolly now has been initiated. She’s got trail rash, she’s got two equally FUBAR’d running boards.

Not bad for my first trip out I wanted to get rid of those stupid running boards for these bad boys … but now I have a good reason to.

Here are some photos:

The first photo is this incredibly steep section. The photo doesn’t really do it any justice, but it was steep, trust me! I had a hard time walking down it, which is why I snapped a photo of my inclometer. The last one was about the terrain for much of the way. With a ton of hills and valleys and gullies. A little creek crossing and tons of fun things. It was a great time and I found a new camping spot Actually I found a ton …

Next time, we’ll see.

However, not this time! Next time I’ll go on a friday …. and camp and then head home, now that I found a few spots

What a great all day adventure. I literally wheel’d for about 6 hours I have a left side only sunburn to prove it, but I had to leave! Tonight(being saturday night) I have church!

That’s right, I had a great time at church too. We talked about solomans song. I’m sure I spelled that wrong, but basically it’s the biblical version of porn. Don’t believe me? Go read it ….

I’ve never considered myself a religious person, given my past and all. However, this church is great. It’s great for a ton of reasons but perhaps I’ll save that for another day.

Afterwards, I headed home. Tired. Beat. Exhausted.

Today, I woke up extremely late. Didn’t do a darn thing. Well, I went to a recording of the intuitive divas talk show. They were taping a demo to send off to some tv producer folks and I sat in the audience. Good times. Oh! I also talked on the phone all day. Momma, pops, sister …. everybody really.

I need to getting to bed.

I had a damn good weekend. I’m sure I could go on for hours, but I didn’t hehe … if you want more photos, here are some more @Flickr. Oh, and I have about 2 gigs worth of video of my adventures, so once I figure out this iMovie neat-o-ness, I’ll get them up on youtube

Until then, I”ll leave you with a great song. Great lyrics too. It’s a song about nothing,literally …. because “The hook brings you back ….”. Hehe …. awesome. Oh, and might I say the “I can keep it up, for as long as it takes” model at the begging is the hottest of the 3. Just my opinion.

Oh, and by the way…… one more thing.

ARGH MATEY!

The eight hundred pound gorilla, the over sized pink elephant, the monkey on my back. All of which have been quietly and patiently in my living room for quite some time now. I assure you, I kept them all plenty fed, and gave them adequate shelter. But please, between you and I, don’t let PETA know about it. I’m sure they’d be up in arms given I had them hiding underneath my sofa. In the words of the great Genie from Aladdin, “Itty bitty living space”.

From this exact moment on, my door remains open. No longer will the eight hundred pound gorilla, the over sized pink elephant, the monkey on my back be in my possession. They are free to go. So lets talk about it.

For the past few months I’ve done my best to keep quiet, to keep the gorilla, the elephant and the monkey out of plain site. For an even longer time, years even, I’ve kept my thoughts to myself. To speak when spoken to. Jump when asked to jump. Sit when asked to sit. Or at least so I thought ….

Friends. Now before I begin, let me try to walk a mile in a “friends” shoes.

Now before I begin, let me first preface this with the simple thought and acknowledgment that people change. Beliefs change. Ideas change. Thoughts change. Feelings change. In this case, and in my most unbiased opinion, friends change. Friends change. I understand this. I really do. Sometimes though, significant others are introduced into our lives that have no regard for how we live our lives. No regard for our family and no regard for our beliefs, or dare I say our well being? It would seem that these significant others who are introduced into our lives also are controlling, manipulative and unappreciative of who we are as individuals and unappreciative to the countless displays of devotion we show day in and day out. Yet, to an outsider looking in, it would seem that these are simply fallacies. A rather large misconception and interpretation of the untruth. If one were to peek into our daily lives they would see differently. Apparently one would see a completely different picture.

Fallacies. I’ll keep telling that to myself, and perhaps when I’m older and all the wiser I’ll believe them to be truth.

Sometimes life becomes too hectic, too frantic to have any rational thoughts, but by this time rational has been left far far behind. Slowly ones significant other turns to “family”, and sooner or later “family” takes over immediate family. Again, outsiders would see differently. They would only see the negative to it all. They would only see ones calender become too full for anything but “family”, too full to even call and cancel time after time. They would see and eventually feel the heat and burn of being placed on the back burner. They would only see the chaos and drama that ones newly found “family” has created. Again, only seeing the negative. However, if they were to see how sane and civil my life was before “family” and how chaotic and apparently fun loving it is now, perhaps they would be singing a different tune.

Fallacies. I’ll keep telling that to myself, and perhaps when I’m older and all the wiser I’ll believe them to be truth.

Sorry, I can’t do it anymore. Two paragraphs of walking in a friends shoe is two paragraphs too long.

Quick translation:
Friend dates first woman to take an interest and falls in love. Sadly, his roomates(Me included) believe they are horribly wrong for each other for countless of reasons. Controlling, manipulative, selfish, and unappreciative to name just a few reasons. Then proceeds to abandon everything and everyone for her. Over time becomes a lousy friend. Freely admits it. Refuses to heed any(or at least my) advice in seeking love elsewhere. Continues to abandon friends and family(myself included, or maybe just me?). Is still a lousy friend. Freely admits it. Still ignores countless warnings. Situation worsens. Being what I thought to be a good friend, I was supportive. Incredibly supportive despite my own personal thoughts and opinions of his relationship. Our friendship is on rocky terms …

And oh, by some weird twist of fate, 6 months later, I find myself crazy about his sister. By crazy I mean butterflies, love letters, check yes or no, I can’t stop thinking about her type of crazy.

Instead of supportive, friend doesn’t approve. Fallout of friendship ensues.

There you have it. My dirty laundry. My eight-hundred pound gorilla. The monkey off my back. I’ve never shy’d away from writing about my personal life before the in the past, and I although it saddens me, I won’t let the loss of a friend stop me now. Perhaps some would feel I’ve said too much. It’s weird because I feel I haven’t said enough.

Although I suppose I don’t really need to.

Signed,
-No longer a dirty little secret.

Turn my mike up louder I got to say something
Light weights step to the side when we come in
Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running

Before I even woke up this morning, I was already worked into a dither. No idea why, no rhyme or reason, just in a pissed off, grumpy, nasty, bitter, angry, dither. I thought it was at first the phone I was laying on all night, stabbing me in the back all night, or the smell of enchiladas filing my entire apartment before it was even 3am. Perhaps it was the coming drama that the day would produce that my attitude was warning me of.

Whatever the cause, there I was. Me and my dither.

Risk something, take back what’s yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I’m sick of being treated like I have before
Like it’s stupid standing for what I’m standing for
Like this war’s really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn’t cater the rich and abandon poor

As I left for work this morning, it was a beautiful day out so on the bike I went. Peddling, faster and faster. Still agitated, still irritated, no reason why really, well … no real reason why. Just one of those moods, a funk. I approached the curve, noticed the construction and instead of being on my way I had to cross the street. Halfway through I just about was run over by a 4Runner. I had the “Ok to walk, but CYA” turn signal, so off I went. However, the 4Runner didn’t see me. After a few choice words for each other, a couple horns and of course me waving both New York State Birdies nice and high I was on my way. Shaken, but on my way none the less.

Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can’t put gas in your tank
These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the check
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

As I make my way downtown, I pass the cherry creek shopping district and I see all of the gas stations. 3.60$ a gallon. I know I’m not an old timer, and I won’t ever be able to look you in the eye and say I was ever able to fill up my tank for only a couple dollars. However, I can tell you I remember a time when I could fill up my gas tank for 10 bucks, and I could buy a gallon of gas for .75 cents, albeit rare, it happened.

It reminds me of the war we’re fighting overseas. So much life lost, trillions of dollars spent and nothing but the satisfaction of a half ass’d democracy in place. Fathers, Mothers, Sons, Daughters, Sisters, Brothers …. lost, never to return home. It’s pretty sad.

Me and my dither. But I keep peddling on ….

My dad he’s got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it’s the poor who die

It didn’t help everything at work kept breaking. It didn’t help on my ride home I thought I’d be soaking upon my arrival at home, nor did it help that when I got home my body was stiff, aching and sore and my nasal passages filled with goose-poop-fish-flavored-nasty-green-pond water fragrance.

It didn’t help.

All I wanted to do was take a nice hot shower, crawl onto my comfy couch and watch my tv, blog a bit, finish up some work, and then hit the sack.

I really don’t know what my problem has been today. It happens every now and then, and though it’s rare, it happens. I get worked up over anything and everything. The things that really get under my skin seem to resurface and it hits me like a tsunami hitting a hot dog cart.

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like “what did he say?”

I started to channel surf, and it hit me like a tsunami hitting a hot dog cart. Can I use that analogy twice? Good … because I would have used it regardless…

There was as how on HBO called coma. It basically follows the life of 4 individuals that suffered traumatic brain damage. It was heart wrenching story after heart wrenching story. Trials and tribulations. Successes in failures. Nothing monumental, simple tasks such as eating, and walking. Even simpler than that, tasks such as blinking and swallowing.

It puts alot of things into perspective. It makes alot of trivial issues dissipate. It maks me thankful and appreciative that I can feel the huge knot in my neck, the burning in my lungs, the pains in my legs from utter exhaustion. It makes me snap out of the funk I’m in and look at the big picture which is that of Life.

Perspective.

Life is all about perspective, and when it gets out of balance, you just need a healthy dosage of perspective. Although there is alot of life that I don’t necessarily agree with, the war, boneheads who almost kill me, a full plate(not literally), perspective helps to ease the pain a bit, and realize I have my health. I have my family. I can feel a nice cool breeze on my face, the smell of freshly cut grass, leftover enchiladas and goose-poop-fish-flavored-nasty-green-pond water, the pain throughout my body, a roof over my head, a full plate(yes literally this time) and so on. I have more than any one man could ever want.

Even if only for today.

I admit. Life is a bit of a SNAFU, and not just for me but I’m sure for everybody. Some situations leave you gasping for breathe in it’s insanity, and others leaving you gasping for breathe for reasons of the exact opposite. Regardless of it’s cause, life has a way of leaving one breathless.  When life gets turned on it’s ear, and completely flips you upside down, it’s your roots that you hold you securely in place, keeping your eyes fixated on the light at the end of the tunnel . It’s your core values and beliefs that get you through the day, that let you keep on keeping on, and ultimately bring life back to normalcy. If even for a moment.

It got me thinking about how sometimes my life has been anything but normal, and that in itself is “normalcy”. Maybe it’s me and my perception. I have ways of perceiving situations far worse than they are. Most would say that’s lying to myself, but hey, I’d like to refer it as having a vivid imagination. Regardless of my perception, or even others, it is what’s been etched into my inner workings that keeps me ticking when it seems somebody has flipped the light switch, and everything goes dark. Of course, the exact opposite holds true. It’s what’s been etched into my inner workings that keeps me grounded when it seems there is an abundance of light.

The cogs, sprockets, dials and pendulums. Everything inside me, all of which are combined in unison to make me tick. Somedays too fast, others too slow. It’s no surprise that most of these parts that keep me ticking, the dials and sprockets and such are unconsciously derived from my parents. I would imagine 17+ years under their guidance would do that to me.

My roots. My inner workings. My character. My beliefs. Etched into me since I was a child without even knowing. It’s amazing the the farther I try running from being like my parents, the more like them I become. Both good and bad.

I suppose that’s life, leaving me breathless.

I’ve had alot of time to sit and just reflect on it all. My roots, my character, the things that make me tick. My beliefs. The other day I was sitting in a Jimmy Johns, queue the cheesy music now, and came across a poster full of beliefs. I’m usually the kind that goes off the beaten path, not one to conform to normal standards but I have to admit, I agreed with alot of them. I wanted to share, and who knows, I might add in a couple myself.

I Believe-
That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe-
That just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I Believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe-
That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by other. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken that the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I Believe-
That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe-
That you can keep going long after you can’t.

I Believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones who help you get back up.

I Believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

Obviously, these beliefs were ripped off from some poster, but regardless, there are some truth to them when I do my own self reflection. Of course, your mileage may vary. As much as I’d love to stay up all night with you, talk to you, listen to you, I need to get some shuteye, but before I leave you, I wanted to share two more things. First, the evolution of my blog, with some tasty photos taken randomly during tonights session. Second, I wanted to share the song I had on repeat all day today. If that’s not an intimate setting, I don’t know what is.  Night everybody.