One Word.

Words.

There are quite a few words in the English language that are truly beautiful. Love. Compassion. Forgiveness. Friendship. Freedom. Trust. Of course, on the contrary, there are plenty of words that are quite the opposite. War. Hate. Lies. Murder. Obesity. Depression. Solitude. Work.

The last few months I’ve had alot of “me”(read:solitude) time. I’m not sure if that’s by design, but I digress. Tonight was different in that I needed good quality mindless me time. So much of my time is sitting and thinking, wandering and worrying about nonsense issues. My mindless time tonight for myself was in the form of a Nuggets game. 10$ Nachos, 7$ beer and hot wings afterwards. I’m not sure anything could get as mindless as that. It was a good 2 hours of relaxation time, mindless, zombification me time. However, as soon as the game finished, the nicotine of my stogy and the alcohol from my beers wore off, and as I waited for my train to arrive, the switch in my mind was flipped and my mind started whirring, wandering.  Up to  no good as usual …

Words. Lots of words. Egotistical. Selfish. Conceded. Brutal. Ignorant. Stubborn. Chauvinistic. Smart. Caring. Giving. Loveable. Likeable. I’m sure the list, had I went on would be another Ten thousand pages. Words that have been used to describe me in some form or fashion.

My train arrived, and as got to my feet I could feel the ground beneath me rumble. Such power, such ferociousness. If for whatever reason I, or anybody for that matter, would have stepped in front of this train, or accidentally fell in it’s path, it would have shown it’s true power and ferociousness against me.  Chances are pretty good that I wouldn’t be typing here before you now …

That was scary. It was scary not in the fact of death, but what I would be remembered as. I think it’s safe to say that my idea of my life, and my world around me is ever changing. It wouldn’t be fair for anybody to be limited to just one paragraph, one sentence, let alone one word. However unfair being alloted one word may be, sometimes it’s the harsh reality, however unfair being alloted one word may be, it’s life, and we all know life isn’t fair.

Motivated.

If I were to die in my sleep tonight, or hit by the train earlier today, todays word to describe me would not to be loveable or likeable, caring or outgoing, friendly or polite. For me, it’d be motivated. Whether that would mean motivated to obtain likeable or loveable status, or perhaps motivated in different areas in my life.

Motivated.

I think I’d be ok with that.

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