Pops called me last night, like he usually does. Outside with he and his “posse”(Max and Kaylee, the pups). Usually in the garage or at his shop. Like so many relationships I’ve had over the years, this one with my father has evolved, and it’s one that’s evolved so much that it sticks out like a sore thumb.
My earliest memory of my father was him grabbing me by my overall straps and tossing me into the back seat of his 4 Cylinder ’80 something Dodge Charger. I remember we were in England and he was trying to sell it, and the guy that came to see it, he was mumbling something here and there and “it needs new spark plugs …”. I couldn’t have been any older than 5 or so, but had I known any better I would have laughed at him like I do now for owning such a vehicle.
Of course, it wasn’t all fun and games, I remember me and my sister using a broom in the garage. I would hold the broom and spin, while she jumped over it, and of course this made a pretty loud racket. Dad would come outside and ask politely that we knock it off or he’d come back out and whip our asses. hehe, yes, that was polite. Talk about a fair deal. I got my butt whipped while I was dizzy, while my sister got all the glory of playing jump over the broomstick. Normally if we did something boneheaded he’d let us know right then and there, no warnings. My father was always the Steel Arm of Discipline and usually when I think of childhood it’s me running to my room to double pad my underwear, or me hopping around the house with both hands securely fastened to my butt cheeks.
By the time I was about 8 or so, physical disciplinary was no longer necessary. I knew. I knew to think 5 times before doing something stupid and at that point there was mutual respect for each other. When I did do something bone headed all my father had to do was look at me with a sense of disappointment and the immense guilt was punishment enough.
To be fair, he also was very rewarding with the good things that we did. I remember once I came in, moping of course because all the kids on the block were having a water gun fight, and as every man knows, you can’t bring a water bottle to a super soaker fight. He asked me to follow him to the car, and before my head could spin I had a super soaker in my hands. The best on the block. He had told me it was due to my grades that he bought it for me, and that if I excelled in school continuously, better things would come.
I really didn’t act up all that much during school. Of course, that doesn’t mean that during parent teacher conference time I wasn’t cowering in the corner for fear that one of my teachers would say I talked to much. Or that I acted out of turn ect …
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed that me and the relationship with my father evolved to the next stage. I learned rather quickly that for the most part it would be just me with my mother at my side. He would sit out in the waiting rooms, he’d go get newspapers during examinations, the countless nights I had to stay overnight he was somewhere else. My first night in the hospital I remember asking him if we could rent a hotel, I didn’t want to stay there and he said it was for the better that I stay. For the longest time I somewhat resented him for it. When I needed him the most, he was no where to be found. When I wanted to talk to a man about how the cutest nurse in the hospital just asked for my stool sample, or how the nurses would come visit me during the night to bring me lolipops and ice cream on the very very rare occasion that my mom wasn’t with me, and that was very rare. Of course the times I didn’t want him around he was there. The time I was bawling my eyes out when I got marked for my radiation placement, the hundreds of times I had to drink barium where he’d make gagging noises and I’d upchuck everywhere! Only to have to redrink it all over again. Yuck.
I would later find out that he was always gone from my hospital sleep overs, because he’d be traveling 2 hours from lubbock to clovis at midnight, back to work the next day and towards the end of it all is when he started to work two jobs to pay for the bills. He would pace the halls of the examination room, never sitting still and always fidgety, because when he was a kid he had a pretty bad bike accident. He’d tell me embarrassing stories about how he had to walk every where is his skivvies and such.
On my independence day, the day where my broviac was removed. In a sense it was the last time I really had to be at the hospital day in and day out. We were sitting in the doctors consultation room and I had begged and pleaded to get it removed while I was out cold. And so it was. Under the knife I had went for the last time. I don’t remember much of what happened after that, but I do remember half dead, in the arms of my father as he carried me back to our car, which was to be for the last time.
“How you doing champ”.
“Been better ….”
I smiled, and not two seconds later I was out like a light. All the way back home …
It was at that moment on that I felt me and my fathers relationship changed. No longer did he talk to me like a kid, but he talked to me like a man. As if I somehow had earned it. He told it to me straight how it was. Day in and day out.
Junior high and Highschool came and went. There was high school graduation day and shortly after my little car was packed tight and I was off to college.
With my car unpacked, we had decided to take a quick tour of the city, we went over my route to and from school a hundred times. Like a kid who didn’t study for a quiz, I was nervous. I didn’t know my way back home even though we drove the route a hundred times. I drove to my school, and from there my dad caught a taxi to his hotel.
Just a handshake.
No long hug, no congratulations … no … good luck your going to need it.
Just a handshake.
I got home, it was raining out that day(August 5 to be exact, 2002) and I stared out my window, hoping it was all a joke. That somehow I could just tap my toes together and would be at home, eating mom’s home cooked dinner and listening to his stories. As if my plane had crash landed in the middle of the boonies with no hope for rescue, my survival instincts kicked in and I tried to think of everything he had taught me.
It’s the only thing that came to mind. Are you serious? After 17 years of existence, in your defining moments of your life, that’s all you can think of?
Hehe. Yes.
Of course I’ve learned so much from my father. Over the past few years of reflections I’ve come to realize that he’s taught me so many things silently that I never saw before. Most of the lessons usually come back to the subject of Self-Reliance.
Whether I care to admit it or not, most of my important decisions come down to me asking myself:
“WWDWMTD”. What would dad want me to do?
We talked about that last night. He’s been preaching to me about living debt free. Laughs and explains why buying a 30K hummer is stupid, and how I need to be making quadruple payments on my student loans so I’m in debt to no man. Being in debt to no man …
Weird, because as long as I live, I’ll always be in debt to him for what he’s done for me.
This of course was completely one-sided. My mother. Whew. I wouldn’t be alive today without her. That’s a completely different story, I’ll save it for “The ever evolving relationships, PT II”. The dynamics of our relationship has evolved too. After my talk with my dad last night, it just got me thinking about him and how when I was a kid I was being thumped on the head, to discussing 401K’s and retirement.Crazy how time flies …
*You have to dig for it … it’s buried deep deep deep within there somewhere ….
On a lighter note …. the Girlfriend Application is back! Wahoo! I was just reading some of my older blogs and came across this:
Girlfriend Application
The position of girlfriend is again available, and applications are still being accepted and maintained. Upon applying, you may be contacted.
Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Sign:
Why do you want to be my girlfriend?
What are your hobbies?
Do you like to stay in shape?
What is your favorite kind of music?
What are your favorite bands?
Do you wear panties or thongs or nothing?
Sheets or no sheets?
What is my best physical feature?
Which side of the bed do you prefer?
What is your favorite color?
Do you hunt?
Can you fish?
Can you dress out a large animal/filet a fish?
Do you own a boat?
Can you swim?
Hopeless romantic or romanticly hopeless?
If we were doing body shots where would you pour the hard stuff?
Swimsuit or skinnydip?
Do you walk around the house naked?
Lingerie: For romantic foreplay or to be torn off with my teeth?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Do you smoke cigarettes?
Do you drink?
Do you do any drugs?
Do you like to draw\paint\other artistic stuff?
Do you like to camp?
What�s your favorite movie?
Can you cook??
If you cook, do you do dishes?
Do you cry during sad movies?
How old were you the first time you had sex?
What is your favorite kind of sex?
Are you religious, if so what religion?
Are you a dreamer, or are you down to earth?
What�s your favorite day of the week?
Toys in the bedroom?
Are you spontaneous?
Would you rather stay in or go out?
Do you Karaoke?
Do you like to be alone sometimes?
What do you feel is the most important part of a relationship?
How do you feel about drugs & alcohol?
Why should I pick you?
What is your best feature?
Why would you make a great girlfriend?
What do you like best about me (so far)?
How would you make me laugh?
What�s the least important thing in a relationship?
If I started cuddling & stuff, would you..
If I called you at 3 am & wanted to hang out because I was feeling lonely, would you..
How would you show me that you really like me, in person….
How long have your parents been married or divorced?
Where do you want to live?
Do you have any sexual fantasies? Tell me one of them.
Do you want children? If so how many?
Do you want your husband to work?
Have you ever been in love so bad it hurts?
Could you fall in love (again)?
If you had one wish what would it be?
Would my parents like you?
How should a man be treated?
Do you want to be married?
Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend?
If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive who would it be and why?
Favorite Food?
Do you like dogs?
Do you like cats?
Have you ever owned a Ford?
How long did it take you to get rid of it?
What do you drive?
If you could go anywhere with me where would it be? And what would we do?
Why did you take the time to fill this out?
Anything else you would like me to know?
Thanks for applying! Remember this is an application and only one will be selected.
Blogged with Flock
kc November 10, 2007
For the record …
I posted this at 12:ish … which is still on 11/9/2007, so my blogging each day continues!
*EDIT* I went into the stupid database and changed it manually. I was just too lazy …errrr … tired last night.