Haha, ok, I know. Cheesy right? It was an email I got today as I was on the lightrail heading to work. As of late I’ve just set my headphones down, stare out the window and just watch everything pass me by(including my stop). I spent an extra half hour or so on the lightrail this morning on accident. Anyways, I only say that to preface my thoughts and how I came to be. It got me thinking about the “L” word. It got me thinking about how wacky and insane and impossible it is. It got me thinking about how people view love, what people love, why they love, and I think more importantly how people love. Is it in their actions? Their words? Their thoughts?
It got me thinking of this photo I took a while back. It made me realize just how differently people view love. Some love the chaos and disorder of their relationships, others want only somber, quiet moments, others want a mixture. No couple is alike, and to further convolute the situation, no person is alike. We are all snowflakes right? Are we really that different? Surely there is some fine median we are crossing as we take part in each others life. Surely it’s something that binds us together.
Love. So very un-scientific, and yet, so scientific. How can that be?
The approach of Love, or as I like to call it the approaching blind curve. Not knowing wha’ts around the corner, the nervousness and anxiety one feels. The skipped heartbeats. Holding on for far to long each others words and thoughts. Being over analytical of a simple flick of one’s hair, one’s touch and body language. Trying to decipher the code of love. That’s always fun, or a mind fuck. Either way though when it’s all said and done, its something incredible, whether it goes good or bad. The feelings and emotions afterward are pretty incredible. For me, afterwards, there is always a moment of self-evaluation. How you could have improved the situation, the conversations that are stuck on repeat in your head. So many things involved with love.
Love. So very un-scientific, and yet, so scientific. How can that be?
There are studies out that show certain of aspects of love scientifically. Such as the release of hormones from a male/female upon meeting that would indicate love. Increase in body tempature, brain activity, heightened senses ect … All of which are indicators scientifically of Love.
Yet, it’s not scientific at all, is it?
I suppose I’m just rambling. So many unanswered questions in my head right now. So many thoughts that will never see the light of day, or ink that will never see paper, words that will never make it into a conversation. Thoughts. All of which are mine and mine alone.
I suppose it’s why I blog, so that way others can look at me with a blank stare and wonder just what peace pipe I was smoking.
That email I received this morning got me thinking about all of this. The fire was stoked even moreso after lunch today. There is a lady, “Jane”, that comes in from our next office and visits one of my co-workers “Bob”. She seems to be visiting more so recently, and of course they both hit it off everytime they chat. “Bob” is your typical revenge of the nerds kind of guy, minus the pocket protector. A guy who all of green days songs talk about regarding the whole “Nice guys finish last” campaign. Super nice guy, technical, literal, caring. Although I don’t know him well enough, I’d venture to say he’d be the type to date a stripper to try and give her a better life. Just an all around good guy, although not to savvy with the ladies(like most, unfortunately we cannot all be Hitch, and I’m not saying by any stretch of the imagination I’m the ladies man either, but I digress). “Jane”, again, don’t know too much about her, seems very free spirited, good aura about her, and although bob and jane are complete opposites, they somehow would make a perfect couple. It’s obvious they are very flirtatious with each other, and I sit everyday in my corner observing their conversations just thinking, “Ask her out already!”.
Today I couldn’t take it anymore. I shouted it once she left. So loud that she probably heard me. Not on purpose, I just wish he’d ask her out already. I feel though that the only way he’d ever ask her out without somebody saying something would be to have her “check yes or no”. It’s not my place, nor is it any of my buisness, but he shot back, “And why do you think that way? I’d be curious to hear your opinion.” Oh dear, but I don’t have an opinion, I just thought it’d be a good idea?
And at that moment I realized I knew what he would say next if I proceeded. Why is it I’m so goo goo ga ga myself and yet I’m still single? Although thankfully the question was never bounced my way, it made me think long and hard just why I’m so goo goo ga ga over people in my life right now and yet I say nothing about it.
Then it dawned on me.
It’s because the ladies in my life that I’m so speechless about, are ones who are happily taken. In serious relationships. Married in one case. Dating an obsessive jerk in another. Dating what appears to be a ghost in one. Highschool sweethearts who’ve moved on, on the verge of wedding to a millionare. /sigh. It’s weird. I think although I’d love to say how I feel, it’d be wrong. Or would it be? Yes, yes it would. I don’t need that awkwardness, nor am I the one to be a “HomeWrecker”. “Hey there jane, I can’t stop thinking about you, I think you should ditch your zero and get a hero*points to me*”. Or how about …. “So your husband …. have you thought about a divorce? Because although I don’t want marriage, I’d like a date. Will that suffice?”. And the closing tagline to each one “So I really like you, but I’m damn confidant NOTHING would come about of this relationship”.
I think I’m going crazy. Crazy I say. In my own little asylum. The good thing about these ladies that leave me speechless, and that leave me drooling. There is a great invention call the pacifier which should alleviate the drooling and keep me pre-occupied, leaving me speechless but for good reason.
Weird I know, and I’m rambling to boot. Sorry readers, if you are reading still….
If you are reading, the rockies are heading to the world series. I’m going to a friends house for a BBQ and to watch the rockies game. Nothing better than in the company of good friends, beer, and the world series which the entire city is booming about right now.
I also got a call the other day regarding the hummer I test drove. It’s far to expensive, but I think I’m going to start my savings account for a new H3, especially after I saw this photo. And it’s getting cheaper, 3K cash back, 0% apr …. Who knows, maybe if I get a promotion or a raise at work I can make it all a reality. Check it out here: http://www.hummerforums.com/m_88001/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm .
Anyways, it’s bedtime. I need to relax and think. Think some more.
Bleh.
-kc
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firewings October 24, 2007
I want a hit off your pipe… I could use some peace.
Especially regarding the whole love topic. Pfft, love.