It would seem to most, that it’s the winds that bring change, and although I can agree with that, its been my personal experience that it’s actually me "moving" that make me realize the change, both good and bad.
This weekend was rather hectic. Today was officially our last day to be at the old place and as I tidied up my last load to bring to my car, the biggest frown came across my face. I think the reason why was in part the flood of negative emotions and memories that I had with this place.
Whether it be the sleepless nights I had wondering if I would have a job with BROE the following day, or if it was the terror of being homebound during the huge blizzard of ’06. It could have even been the memories of solitude the following few weeks after me and Stevie broke up. I could keep going, but I figure you get the point.
Although the biggest frown came upon my face as I turned off the light, locked the door for the final time. As I walked to my car, the biggest smile came to my face. Again, the flood of memories and emotions that I had here … seemed almost surreal.
From bringing home my big screen tv, to seeing the look on my roommates face when he said he was getting married(/ugh, that roommate, long story for another day), Or sitting out in the parking lot, calling my dad with the news that I had two solid job offers both as a programmer and I had to decline one, to accepting the job as a programmer with a great great job. To the long solitudes of my bike rides, my thinking/personal time, looking at all the waterfalls and buildings on my way to the cherry creek reservoir. Waves and waves and waves of emotions and memories and thoughts, all of which I was overtaken by.
I know I blog and say this alot, but reflection is really good. Of course, sometimes it can be depressing, but I’ve been blessed for every frown I’ve had, I’ve had 2 greater smiles. 2 for 1 isn’t a bad deal I imagine.
So as I was walking back to my car, a smile overtook me, I couldn’t help to keep smiling as I squeezed into my over packed little car with my knees in my chest. I couldn’t help but to keep smiling as I got out in the pouring rain to drop off our final paperwork and check. I couldn’t help smiling, remembering the box of coffee packages we discovered on our first day in the old apartment, and I couldn’t help but to smile when I realized I left the same package for the next person who will be residing in that apartment.
As if a sacrifice to the apartment gods, that my next year, wherever it may be, will be as fortunate as the last, and that the move of change brings me good fortune.
And so here I am, sitting on the cold concrete third floor "sidewalk" outside of my apartment, watching the children play in the rain, curious to see what the next year brings with the biggest smile on my face.
For I know that the move of change is a change for the better.
Peace, I’m outta here.
-kc
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