Here it is, after midnight and I’m sitting awake here with Bill. It’s my fault really, I forgot to feed him supper. If I turn off his lights he freezes up and won’t eat. So, Bill has to eat, and it would seem I have to write.

What can I say?

I suppose I couldn’t even sleep if I wanted to. I’ve got a big headache, and I still can’t breathe through my nose. I suppose it was a blessing in disguise that my tube exploded on me. I would have driven myself into the ground without thinking twice about it. I’m sitting at a good 598 miles, which stinks because I have until July 7th to surpass 675. That way I can get at least 1 mile per dollar I spent on it within the first year. It’s hard to believe I’ve logged that many miles, it seems like yesterday that I bought it, and thought of buyers remorse.

Remorse.

That’s a word I’ve thought about alot lately. Probably because it ties in so closely to regret, which turns to sorrow, all of which is negative. I’m just lonely. Being here in this huge apartment alone, I find myself talking to myself more. I find myself arguing with, well .. myself more. There is only so much solitude a man can handle before he drops to his knees. Lonely can be a pretty strong word. Sometimes you want to be alone to gather your wits and thoughts and get your much needed "me time". Other times though, lonely starts the mind playing games with oneself. Everything in moderation.

That’s what I have to remember. Take my loneliness in moderation.

/sigh. I have no idea how the next few months of life will change things for me, but I’m hoping that time will change things for the better.

Time.

It can be your biggest friend. It can be your biggest foe.

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**switches gears**

I wouldn’t call this weekend a complete waste. I finished cleaning up my room, minus a few stashes of "where does this go, I don’t really care right now" piles. I’ve got a ton of those piles everywhere, but they are just going to have to wait until I’m good and ready to get them organized.

I feel semi-accomplished. For those that don’t know, semi-accomplished is where you feel accomplished, but not really. Great description I know … I cleaned my room, went to walmart and gathered some much needed supplies. I came home, watched some more soccer, folded my good clean smelling towels. I’m not a fan of laundry, but I have to admit, smelling a clean load of towels as they get out of the dryer has to be on the top of my list(somewhere) of my favorite smells. It reminds me of home.

I had to get out of the house and see the river, so I took the light rail to pretty much work, and walked to the park, sat by the river bed for a good hour or so, then headed home.

On the lightrail home, I saw this, and it made me smile.
<img src=http://www.ozweegoville.com/Chron/images/happy.jpg width=300>

It made me think to myself, that I would hope that anybody reading this give their significant other a hug or two. Especially if you feel you’ll spend forever together, because forever in your eyes, may only be another day or two in the eyes of another before the road splits and you find yourself alone, talking to yourself and wishing life had a fast forward button.

Good night all. Oh, and Bill says goodnight too.

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*hugs, big X, little X, little o big O*

Wow.

Pretty much all I can say, is wow.

Today was a good day but sometimes I just want to burst. I never thought I’d be a 23 year old on the verge of spontaneous combustion. I guess it comes with the territory. An omnious landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.

I wish I could take credit for that last paragraph …

It all started this morning when I decided to sike myself up for my bike ride. I was dead exhausted, I couldn’t breathe through my nose, I had a huge headache. It’s so hard to get ready for something when you know it’s going to kick your ass. I went ahead and prepared myself. As I left I went over the overpass, 1 mile out … 2 miles out … 3 miles out … BOOM. Tire exploded.

Since my last debacle, when I got over 12 miles out, in the rain …I’ve since carried a tube repair kit with a c02 cartridge. I spent a good half hour with the cows(quite literally) and I even saw a little corn snake as I was changing my tire. Unfortunately it wasn’t just a hole, half of my inner tube ripped in half.

/sigh.

3 mile walk back. Nothing is more embarrassing then walking along side what would appear to be a perfectly good bike.

Anyways … I went ahead and bought some new tubes, so maybe tomorrow I’ll get them replaced.

I got home just in time to see USA beat panama….. Awesome. Thursday’s their next game against Canada which is the Semi-finals.

I went to walmart to pick up some supplies and guess what?! *gasps* I finally cleaned up my room! woohoo! I bought a new, sturdier shelf. I haven’t quite gotten everything back up to snuff, but it’s getting close minus the books on my floor.

So, it’s one oclock now … I just finished watching Hostel.

Amazing movie. It’s such a great movie! Although I knew the germans were weird. The reason it’s such a great movie, is it’s half porn, half gruesomeness, oh, and the guy gets his revenge on everybody.

Awesome …

And now I’m watching the southpark dirtiest 12.

HAHA. Awesome.

Peace, I’m outta here.

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So … today we are going to play a game called fill in the blanks and then back to your normally scheduled viewing, aka the blog.

I’m so tired I want to ___________
<blockquote>
Go for the longest walk to the other side of 16th street mall, then come home and take another long walk through the aquarium.
</blockquote>

I am currently ___________
<blockquote>
Watching southpark, blogging, and coding … yes, all at the same time.
</blockquote>

When I watch TV I ___________
<blockquote>
Usually go to channel 401(Fox Soccer Channel) and see if anything good is on, then channel 72(comedy central). If nothing good is on then hell has frozen over. I mean that quite literally.
</blockquote>

This weekend I should ___________
<blockquote>
Clean my house, clean my room, fix my fishing rod, grab some supplies at walmart(dryer sheets, toothpaste, food for bill, ect …), make more code for my website
</blockquote>

This weekend I will probably ___________
<blockquote>
Watch the soccer games, go for a long bike ride, go fishing and which basically amounts to absolutely nothing. /sigh
</blockquote>

**NEWS ALERT**
And now for your regular scheduled programming ….

Another Friday wasted. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep so that tomorrow comes quicker. As much as I love the night, the day suits me better. Bike rides, fishing, hiking … so many things to keep my mind off things and to help me relax.

Tomorrow night I really want to go camping, so I think I may get all of my gear together for that. We’ll see.

Today was rather long. In fact, the last week or so has been pretty long for me. My life is composed of work, work, a little fishing, a few bike rides and sleep. That’s been about it. I haven’t been on my bike in a while, given I’ve been so sick. I think I’m going to muster up some energy and just go for it. I’ll deal with the consequences later.

Anyways, back to my day …

I woke up late again today … I’ve been late alot lately. There is really no rhyme or reason to it, I just have been. I’ve had a really hard time focusing, not just at work, but with everything really. Normally, I could spend all day doin 1 task, or one activity, no matter how mundane. However, now, not matter how boring or interesting, I give it 3 minutes tops. I’m not sure if that ties in with the sleep thing, I’m no doctor.

After work, I was so tired. Like I’ve been saying all week. I’ve got nothing left in the tank. Mentally, physically or emotionally. I was so tired, and yet I wanted to go for a really long walk, which I did. It was so peaceful. I went to the platte river and just stood in the cool breeze for as long as my ipod kept playing. Which actually was for quite a while. Once it died, I decided to head home. I got home around 9 or so, and got a great idea to go to the aquarium. I refuse to let a good friday night go wasted, so I went through the aquarium. I spent very little time at each exhibit, except 2. The otter pen, and another one of my favorite exhibits.

I must say. Otters know when they have an audience.

I got home, grabbed some grubb, fed my fish and bill and did a few other things.

Nothing to exciting.

But for now I’m bobbing for apples. I’ll blog more tomorrow.

I promise.

Corny video, great song.
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I’m not sure if you know this or not, but long blog titles are IN! Ok, probably not but I say so!

Anyways …

It’s hard to believe today is Thursday already. It seems like I was sitting here last Thursday saying the same thing. Amazing how quickly time is flying by. I’m not sure yet if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I can see both sides to that coin pretty easily.

It’s good because I really want the next few months of my life to fly by. I know that sounds stupid, but once when I was a wee lad sitting at home in Clovis New Mexico I wished for the same thing, except it was to start college and to start college. I suppose the same holds true now, just the wording is different. I’d like the next few months to fly by so I can see where I’ll be ending up, given a chapter of my life will soon be closing. Not only will I be moving, but the saturated memories that I’ll leave behind here at this apartment will be a refreshing relief.

I’ve had a ton of good times here. It can easily be said I’ve had some pretty poor times here as well.

So much has happened in the past year, things I never thought would happen. Both good and bad. I never thought I’d be alone, and I never thought I’d have a job as a developer. I guess you win some, you lose some.

I hurried home today to catch the football match. Everything wsa going perfect up until the last 2 minutes which happened to be in extra time. /sigh. Oh well … it’s a long season, and it wasn’t even the Rapids that were playing so I guess I can’t be too mad. Saturday though is the US match. I’ve got that time squared away to watch it in complete bliss.

As for this weekend, I dont have very many plans. I’m going to use tonight and tommorow to recoup my emotions and my physical strength given it’s been such a long week to say the least. I’m so tired, both physically and mentally. I need a break and usually the weekend wisks me away just in the nick of time.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get back on the bike this weekend. It’s been a good week since I’ve last rode, given I’ve been so sick, but if the weather’s good, I think I’ll venture out.

We’ll see. My throat is still so sore, and my head aches with every beat of my heart. I’m feeling better though, surprisingly enough. We’ll see, I need a way to thoughtfully relieve my stress.

Like I said, it’s alot of nothings right now that’s adding up. Nothing in particular. Odd isn’t it? Oh well …

yesterday I gave an analogy of pie, corn bread and life.

If that doesn’t sum it up, then I can’t help you …

My new band of the moment if you haven’t noticed is CCR. They have so many great songs, and even more songs with great lyrics. wow. amazing stuff. Not only is this a great song, it has an AMAZING intro! The best ever ….
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Sometimes life is a nice big piece of cheesecake. Smooth, rich, filling. Other times however it would seem that life is a dried, over cooked piece of cornbread ready to crumble at the slightest turbulance.

Today it seemed like both.

Sometimes I think I’m an emotional wreck. One minute I’m so happy and the next rock bottom. Laughing out loud one moment, and crying on the inside the next. Sometimes it seems overwhelming and other times it just seems cosher. I look around and I see people, and when I take a closer look I see the same people whom I once thought were happy, actually completly the opposite.

It’s life. People deal with it’s ups and downs in diffrent ways. I suppose I’m still trying to figure out how I deal with mine.

I got into work today, and after work I get to my car and I can’t find my keys.

I really just wanted to drop to my knees.

Not just because of that, that’s nothing. But when you get a bunch of nothing’s that add up, well .. you got it, it adds up.

Now, now I’m so tired I just want to fall asleep …

Until tommorow …
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