Every so often one sits back and reflects on the things we did when we were kid. The thoughts we had about how we would never be like our parents, or grandparents. It’s amazing how different we all our from our parents, and yet so much alike. I imagine thats normal given the fact that they reared us and also the fact that we had to live under their house with their rules for almost 20 years.

My father used to drink quite a bit when I was a kid and there would be times when I’d walk home from my friends house 2 or 3 blocks away and just hear journey tunes playing just as loud as the speakers would let them. I’d usually walk in and he’d be out of it. Usually passed out or completly oblivious to everything. Sprawled out on the living room floor with a beer in his hand, but he’d have journey going. It used to scare me at first but after a while not only did I get used of it, I realized that’s how my father escaped all of life’s hardships. Whether it was the Journey tunes or the alcohol, I’m not quite sure … I always told myself that I would never do that, and that I’d never be like my father.

Today I had a beer or two, then a few shots and before I knew it, got a little tipsy and without even realizing found myself with the Offspring just blasting as loud as I could get it as I was sprawled out on my bedroom floor dazing at the ceiling. I chuckled … as it reminded me of my father.

OH WAIT! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

After my two second panic, I realized that being like my father’s not such a bad thing. He took great care of his family, worked as hard as he could to give us a better life that he was given, never laid a harmful or bitter finger on my mother, and most importantly he’s always seemed interested in me and my sister’s life.

Half inebriated I lifted my head off the ground to turn off my music and just crawl into my bed … call it day. I started to chuckle again, only to see my bike leaning against my dresser.

My grandfather rides his bike all the time.

/sigh

Oh dear … not my grandfather too ….

I realized that I do so many things like my parents and my grandparents it’s sickening. Even more sickening, is how completely alike we are, and yet complete opposites.

This weekend I reserved for reflection period. Somewhat of a get away and it was really nice actually. I really need to do it more often. I learn alot about myself, more so than one would imagine, but enough to warrant more weekends in the future for the purpose of reflection.

After I had the offspring blaring, I decieded to switch it up to a more somber band the counting crows. I love the crows … great lyrics. Great mood and I think everybody can relate.

At least I can.

And after a few hours of the crow and watching my room spin around, I put in all the comedy I could find.

I think that’s when it hit me …

If your not laughing, your not living.

No, that’s not what I want my next misses to have(wouldn’t hurt) but that is what I personally would like to have. I know, not a very stimulating conversation we are having here is it?

I have no idea where this was going. I blame my goldfish like memory for that lapse ….

I’ll update tomorrow. Tonight however, I’m sleepy … very sleepy.

Last night I hauled butt to get home so I could play "beat the sun". For those playing the home game, its a crazy way of going on a ride before sundown and before the nats come out in full force. For multiple reasons its not the brightest of ideas, but sometimes in life its a necessity. Its even worse biking on a new trail after dark.

Weary body and all I decieded to go and with every stroke of my pedals I was off to the sunset, and with every pedal it grew darker and darker. It was only about six miles out that I realized just how late it was getting.

Most of my trek back was uphill so as one can imagine when I saw a mile of straight downhill I decided to gun it. By this point I was already spent from a pretty long day.

I can’t even believe I’m documenting this but I figured I need a good laugh later on. So basically I forgot my car downtown for 3 days. I know, crazy right? I went to go to the store and realized my car was missing. I quickly realized what happened and luckily for me Netsie was still waiting for me. I was actually lucky she wasn’t impounded or towed. I did get a nice sticker on my window for reasons unknown. Ill have to talk to them about it if suppose.

It was a long day to say the least. It didn’t help that for the first time in a very long while I thought about Stevie. I wondered what she was up to and how she was doing. I then realized that her and her new boyfriend are probably settling in together. My once pathetic thoughts quickly turn to bitterness. A part of me is glad that the latest chapter of my life is over and that better times will soon come. Another part of me however is still in disbelief and somewhat saddened.

Oh well.

So on with my story!

I was racing down this hill when out of nowhere a stupid deer deciedes to get on the trail. It goes without saying that had we collided the fear would have kicked my @ss!

Perhaps next time ill get one of those goofy headlights!

Haha, give me safety or give me death and ill choose death!

Well, my train has reached its destination so I bid you adou!

Until nexttime here on lightrail blogging!

I know, its nerdy right? Pretty cool I think! I wonder if it will actually work o.0

<blockquote>
I’ve waited and I’ll wait some more
Won’t see me knocking on another door
But all this is crazy and amazing
There’s only one half of us that I’m saving
So I’m praying just to let it go
Watch from a distance just to see you glow
Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more
</blockquote>

Today was a pretty sweet day. It didn’t start so great which is usually an indication of a not so good day.

Like life, it’s what you make of it.

I had all my paperwork handy and decided to finally cross "taxes" off my to do list. I had used a friend’s Turbo Tax and from the results I got, not so good. So I had an appointment for H&R block and after the red tape, the wait in line and the absurd fee for tax preparation, the results this time were amazing. I made out like a bandit. Not sure how they did it, but they did it.

I was thinking what I’d be doing with the money I’d be getting, for a few seconds there it was if I was acting like a little school girl who just got a check yes or no letter for the first time.

To celebrate I went to Jerri’s Tobacco shop and got a victory cigar(or two). Beileve it or not, last night I really wanted a cigar after my bike ride. Most people know me know that I’m a prude when it comes to smoking. Rightfully so, smoking kills 309 billion people a second. Whether it be the bus driver looking down for two seconds to light his smoke killing a pedestrian, or from lung cancer. Getting back to my ride, It started off about midday and only lasted about an hour and a half but I rode and rode. Eventually, about 4-5 miles later I ended up riding with a group of about 20 guys that do it for fun. It didn’t look like it by the size of their calves. If a guy’s thigh is the size of your head, you know it’s not "just for fun". I was chatting with them throughout and apparently they go 50 miles every other day. It’s just a bunch of random guys that they’ve met over the years, getting together to get away from the wives and life. Somewhat like myself …

Needless to say I only kept up with them for another 17 miles and then I was like, I’m done. Quite literally. I felt like my eyeballs popped out of my eye sockets, my eardrums felt like exploding with every beat of my heart. Seeing as I was staying well hydrated I used up all my water halfway through and so now my throat was screaming for liquids. Snot, pee … anything really.

It’s was then, at that exact moment, I knew what a good workout was. For me, it’s where you ride to your up most limits plus another 2 miles, and then ride the same route back.

After that episode I needed a smoke.

Being Sunday no stores were open, so today I bought the biggest, fattest cigars I could find at this place downtown on the 16th street mall, came home … sat on the deck for a bit, puffed away and watched the weather change from crappy to crappier. It started to sprinkle and with my final puff I fell asleep. It was then that I was woken by a phone call from my father and we talked about all kinds of good stuff.

Mostly about my preparation for my trip to New York. Mid July I’m heading to New York City for a day or two, then go upstate to the family reunion. Maybe I’ll share more later, but I have a great to-do list when I travel back to my birthplace. It’s going to be awesome.

Afterwards I had an itch to ride again, so I rode to the nearest gas station. It was somewhat spooky, just because I don’t like leaving my bike out but that’s me being over protective. It felt weird because the first thing I thought of was my father the first time I saw him introduce himself to my sister’s new boyfriend. Don’t look at her, don’t touch her, don’t take her anywhere and if you hurt her, I swear, so help me god.

My thoughts exactly. The two minutes I was in the store getting my chocolate milk/Sobe(I know, great combination right?) felt like an eternity.

I think I miss riding so much because it’s my escape from reality, my escape from everything really. Much like my OzweegoVille, but in so many different ways.

I think my OzweegoVille was somewhat of a physical pain getaway for when I was younger, where as my bike is more of a mental getaway. Hard to believe I’m sure, but it’s the truth. Life is to a point where the quiet sets in, the nights are filled with "what now" and I now see how my life varies differently then those in which I share it with.

Life is so great for me right now. I think because everything just seems right.

On the flip side, there is something right now that just doesn’t seem right. A dark and silent scream from within myself which has no voice, nor an audience.

Just for me to listen to and sort out.

Mat Kearney ~ Where we gonna go from here.
<i>I just can’t get this song off repeat. It just fits the mood.</i>
All of your ways and all your thunder
Got me in a haze running for cover
Where we gonna go from here
Where we gonna go from here

Car lights in the driveway
I wonder who’s going coming my way
Tomorrow we’re turning down the highway
With another bright stage on a weekday
Green grass and a radio
Watching it fly past and away we go
Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more

[chorus]
All your ways and all your thunder
Got me in a haze running for cover
Where we gonna go from here
Where we gonna go from here
The back of your eyes look like my mothers
When we talk your like my brother
Where we gonna go from here
Where we gonna go from here

Time is moving on our side
How could I miss you to another guy
Pull of the ocean and the roaring tide
Is bigger than my eyes or my design
Father got a best plan
Saving his daughter for the best man
Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more

[chorus]

I’ve waited and I’ll wait some more
Won’t see me knocking on another door
But all this is crazy and amazing
There’s only one half of us that I’m saving
So I’m praying just to let it go
Watch from a distance just to see you glow
Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more

[chorus]