Then I get a little R & R. Pretty sweet eh?

I think so … I start my new job on Monday. I’m tired … so I should be going, I really just wanted to tell stevie that I love her and I can’t stop thinking about her. No idea why I blogged it, but I figure in 10 years I look into her eyes and smile or think of what could have been.

Only time will tell ….

For some reason I thought of this quote today. It’s so true and it’s direct from a classic movie:

Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.? That’s a tough one, but I’ll give it a shot. Say I’m working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I’m real happy with myself, ’cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin’, "Send in the marines to secure the area" ’cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there, gettin’ shot. Just like it wasn’t them when their number was called, ’cause they were pullin’ a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some guy from Southie takin’ shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, ’cause he’ll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain’t helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they’re takin’ their sweet time bringin’ the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain’t too long ’til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy’s out of work and he can’t afford to drive, so he’s got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks ’cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin’ him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he’s starvin’ ’cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I’m holdin’ out for somethin’ better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Name that movie, and you get a cookie … now here is rise against

Warm yourself by the fire, son,
And the morning will come soon.
IÂ’ll tell you stories of a better time,
In a place that we once knew.

Before we packed our bags
And left all this behind us in the dust,
We had a place that we could call home,
And a life no one could touch.

DonÂ’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I donÂ’t need your help now,
You won’t let me down, down, down!

DonÂ’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I donÂ’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!

Down!

We are the angry and the desperate,
The hungry, and the cold,
We are the ones who kept quiet,
And always did what we were told.

But weÂ’ve been sweating while you slept so calm,
In the safety of your home.
WeÂ’ve been pulling out the nails that hold up
Everything youÂ’ve known.

DonÂ’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I donÂ’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!

DonÂ’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I donÂ’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!

So open your eyes child,
LetÂ’s be on our way.
Broken windows and ashes
Are guiding the way.

Keep quiet no longer,
WeÂ’ll sing through the day,
Of the lives that weÂ’ve lost,
And the lives weÂ’ve reclaimed.

Go!

DonÂ’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I donÂ’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!

DonÂ’t hold me up now,
I can stand my own ground,
I donÂ’t need your help now,
You will let me down, down, down!

DonÂ’t hold me upÂ…
(I donÂ’t need your help, IÂ’ll stand my ground)
DonÂ’t hold me upÂ…
(I donÂ’t need your help)
No! No! No!
DonÂ’t hold me up!
(I donÂ’t need your help, IÂ’ll stand my ground)
DonÂ’t hold me up!
(I donÂ’t need your help, IÂ’ll stand my ground)
DonÂ’t let me down, down, down, down, down!

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You’re my survival, you’re my living proof.
My love is alive — not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I’ve dropped out, I’ve burned up, I’ve fought my way back from the dead.
I’ve tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your…
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
…greatest fan of your life.

<blockquote>
I forgot it long ago …

the heart is something you can’t control
we either choose to follow or be left on our own
so we’re leaving here on a less-travelled road
as desperate cries grow louder,
I know we’re getting close, getting close
</blockquote>

My new favorite band … I can’t get enough of them. Great lyrics, awesome beat … good times. Definetly a great band to start the new year off. Helps that they support a ton of great causes.

/sigh

So what’s new? Gah, a ton of crapola. What’s new right? haha. I’ve decieded to start working for a company called spherebuilder in the heart of downtown denver. Basically they are located on the 16th street mall which is pretty sweet. I’ll be taking the lightrail to work everyday which should be exciting…. errr …. *scratches head* hopefully anyways.

My current company actually said that had I not gotten these other two offers(see previous post) I would have gotten laid of anyways, so I’ll be starting a new job and also getting paid leave and all that jazz. Pretty sweet … I’ve decieded to use that extra money to pay off my debt. About time right? …

My room is a mess … and I need to update my site more. What else is new? I need to get some pictures of the Holiday Blizzard of ’07 and to quote one of my favorite movies, "let me guess, white devil white devil?, Yes! you know watchuchu?!" hehe ….

I don’t have much for new news … but I’m sure some will pop into mind …

Until then … Revolutions per Minute ~ Rise against ….

What are you still doing here! Go!

<b>Voices off Camera</b>
Can you hear the desperate cries that are calling out your name?
twisting your arms, holding out their hands
and tugging at your sleeve,
do you feel this underlying sense of urgency
or are you as blind as me?

I hit the ground and I’m still running
but I need a place to stay tonight,
I swear I’ll be gone in the morning
I just need somewhere now

I can’t bear the thought of losing,
I dread the attention winning brings
and ever since the day I came here
I can stand without your strings
I’m so sick of all these people
but I’m scared to be alone
and if this life has taught me anything
I forgot it long ago and so I

I hit the ground and I’m still running
but I need a place to stay tonight,
I swear I’ll be gone in the morning
I just need somewhere warm to close my eyes
I hit the ground and I’m still running
but I need a place to stay tonight,
I swear I’ll be gone in the morning
I just need somewhere warm to close my eyes

the heart is something you can’t control
we either choose to follow or be left on our own
so we’re leaving here on a less-travelled road
as desperate cries grow louder,
I know we’re getting close, getting close

I hit the ground and I’m still running
but I need a place to stay tonight,
I swear I’ll be gone in the morning
I just need somewhere warm to close my eyes
I hit the ground and I’m still running
but I need a place to stay tonight,
I swear I’ll be gone in the morning
I just need somewhere warm to close my eyes

I heard the news today. It came out of nowhere.
I wish I could run away,
but where would I go?
Is this my destiny? Something so unfair… What will become of me?
God only knows.

And they say the road to heaven might lead us back through hell.
Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.
We’re so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.

My pride is left for dead, as my world gets shaken.
The thoughts inside my head are so hard to control.
I am staring down the unknown, but one thing is certain.
You could break my body, but you will never break my soul.

And they say the road to heaven might leads us back through hell, but we’re holding on for more
than stories to tell.

Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.
We’re so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.

Casey,

Thank you for joining me to make cancer a national priority.

As a cancer survivor, I intend to do everything I can to make this an issue our nation’s decision-makers can’t ignore. Whether talking with members of Congress, traveling the country to meet with survivors and leading cancer experts – I am dedicating myself to this cause.

I am committed to this fight, and I’m tasking my Foundation with giving you the tools and support to make a difference. Together, we’re going to make this disease a national priority.

Here are a few ways to help you get started:

Forward an e-Card to encourage your family and friends to get involved

Check back at www.livestrong.org/army for updated news and ways you can continue to help make cancer a national priority. We will update the site every week with stories from others making a difference, news from me and the LAF Staff and what you can do to help make cancer a national priority.

Thank you again. Together we can make a difference.

<blockquote>
You’re standing there alone
And so am I
But I want you here
By my side
Your smile at me
Is everything
The staring game
That song of love.
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place.
</blockquote>

I think I’ve written quite a few entries over the past several days however for some reason, they never seem to get published. Probably becuase they were all just incoherent thoughts, probably becuase I never finished, or due to lack of focus, forgot to press the "submit" button. Regardless, again, as usual I apologize for my lack of effert and concentration throughout the beginning of this new year. I said it would be diffrent, thus far it has, just not quite sure it’s at the frequency I need.

So … where do I even begin? I think I start that off with every blog, oh, and the usual, so much has happened. I think that’s true, but the funniest things I find amazing is so much HAS happened, not only since the last time I posted, but also since the FIRST time I’ve ever posted when I opened up this place 5 years ago.

For starters, one of my previous girlfriends that cheated on me after valentines day is now engaged to her boyfriend(luckily the same guy) and has a 4 month old baby girl, crazy eh? My college roomate and best buddy, also the same guy who got me addicted to chedderwursts and the offspring is now in the military as a marine and seems to be enjoying life. Traveling the world and such. He used to be in a smaller town and from what I saw is now living in California. Speaking of college, the woman that all the boys adored is also pregnant and getting married. To think 3 years ago you have 1000+ guys drooling, needless to say that’s alot of drool!

It was a pretty surreal experience for me. Just going through the endless people I’ve met, known and know just seeing how they were. It’s very sobering to see how far I’ve come, and those that are close around me. Ask me 4 years ago what my thoughts were on where my life was headed, and I’d tell you I was scared to death of not making it here in Denver. Not only have I made it, I’m making it, and so are those around me and everybody else for that matter. It’s life, the social river that eventually leads to the sea and everybody and everything takes it’s place.

So enough of my trip down memory lane! Quite a bit has happened to me since the new year. I started to seek new employment opportunities and since them I know have approx 2 offers on the plate. Neither are definite but both are in the final stages so I’m confidant. By the end of the month it’s my goal to be out of my current job … but we’ll see where that takes me. Both are for software development positions. One is in the heart of downtown Denver working on the 16th street mall in one of the oldest high rise buidings and the other is actually 2 streets south of where I currently live. Both will provide so much better benifits, pay and experience so either way I win.

For the job downtown I had to take the new RTD lightrail system. What an experience. I’ve always been into weird things, for example. If you ever get the chance go to mcdonalds or burger king early early in the morning. You will see hard working people starting off their day. Pretty amazing and as weird as it sounds I admire alot of them. Same thing on the light rail, and to add frosting to the cake, you get a great view of the city. The light rail opens up a ton of new avenues for me and Stevie which hopefully one day we can take advantage of. Go downtown to eat, or events ect …

Besides my good news in my job hunting I’ve been doing a little soul searching. Me and stevie do not get to spend alot of time together becuase she’s in school, and whether I want to admit it or not, it should come before everything else. In my spare time as of late, I’ve been of course playing video games, exercising. I’ve also been listening to motivational speakers(weird I know) but I downloaded a bunch of cd’s and have been just listening. Also, one of Stevie’s new years resolutions was to start going to church every weekend again, so we’ve been doing that. The church she goes to is actually the best church I’ve ever seen and been to. They act as if it’s your first day, they speak to you like your human and not a divine christian. They know that your human and make mistakes and they address them and the thing I like best its almost like going to a concert. Oh, and another thing I like best is the service is geared towards people who are struggling with their faith or having issues beileving. It’s really a great church and those that know me probably are going to think I’m going crazy but I’m not. I’d say listen for yourself(http://www.flatironschurch.com/listen/). They are very techno gadgety which I find pretty cool. Every service is recorded and on wensday is uploaded. I’ve been doing my best to listen to one every night, and even while I sleep.

Speaking of sleep … I was diagnosed with REM Sleep Disorder a week or so ago. Becuase this happens in less than 1% of all people, the doctor I got the feeling didn’t really know what to do with me to be quite frank. He put me on medication(clanasopan(sp?)) and also is making me wear a camel pak filled with tennis balls to bed with me everynight. Yea, weird right? I look like a science project gone wrong and I often wonder if the doctor is laughing to himself thinking, lol, is he really doing it? wow, I was just kidding! I think i’m going to stop taking the medication soon though, he said he didn’t even think it would work, nor did he want to make me take it the rest of my life so … regardless. I think I fixed my own problem personally. I think he relaised it too. Soda. I used to drink 3 liters a day, and now I just drink non caffinated drinks, but mostly water. Since november I think I’ve only cheated twice with two soda pops. I haven’t had any outbreaks since then but I do know I still move around in my sleep. I know my medication isn’t working becuase in the middle of the night I’ll take off my backpack and won’t relaise it until the morning. /sigh. Eating healthier, tons of water and doing outdoor worldly things makes life better for me.

I should probably get back to work now … I have senioritis(sp?) however it’s workitis.

Oh and Stevie, if your reading this below is my song for you and I love you.

You’re standing there alone
And so am I
But I want you here
By my side
Your smile at me
Is everything
The staring game
That song of love.
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place.
Oh.
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place.
You and me dancing the night away
You can feel my heart beating so hard.
We look eye to eye
And I’m swept away.
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I’m in a trance
From that one slowdance.
You’re standing there alone
And so am I
But I want you there
By my side
Your smile at me
Is everything
The staring game
That song of love.
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place.
Oh.
I look you in the eyes
I try to read your thoughts
I ask you to go with me
To a far off place.
You and me dancing the night away
You can feel my heart beating so hard.
We look eye to eye
And I’m swept away.
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I’m in a trance
From that one slowdance.
We don’t have to talk,
We don’t have to laugh at all
I just want you here with me
We don’t have to talk,
We don’t have to laugh at all
I just want to be
You and me
You and me dancing the night away
You can feel my hearting beating so hard
We look eye to eye
And im swept away.
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I’m in a trance
From that one slowdance.