Zombified. Is that a word? If it’s not, I hereby dub thee word Zombified a legal and legit word at least here at OzweegoVille, basically myself and my 10 faithful followers.

It’s crazy since posting to OzweegoVille I’ve seen many people read one or two entries .. and then the floodgates open and the reading begins. That’s why all of my journal entries at least have one view. It’s crazy but very intresting. I’m just surprised how many people come to read my journal. My nothingness.

I suppose this serves somesort of a purpose aside from an all natural sleep aid. Which, beileve it or not, I don’t actually need help going to sleep now. I’ve been getting a full 8+ hours a sleep a night and it wasn’t hard at all to get used of my new sleep cycle. In fact I embrace it, I get more sleep, I do more things in my day and I feel like I’ve accomplished alot of things. It’s a good feeling and I knew that by changing my shift my life would change, for the better that is.

I walked to target today. That was rather intresting, Target is about from my old home back in New Mexico to the nearest allsups, probably about half the distance. Not far at all. I bought some chedder wursts, some shaving foam and of course a diet coke. I also bought some more vitimans. I ran out and my other bottle is lost somewhere, hopefully I can find it before I run out of this one. Oh well, this bottle is huge, it’ll take me a while. I bought foam, why is that important? It’s not really however I realise not only is foam cheaper, but it’s also more skin friendly for me. It makes my skin feel that much more smoother and makes for a closer comfortable shave.

So getting back to Zombified.

Thats what I felt like after my run. I was so tired and I just kept going, and going and when I looked at myself on the brink of inner destruction I looked like a zombie. I kept going, I reached my goal and by that time I was a zombie. So the past 2 and a half weeks if not longer I’ve been pretty athletic. Mostly running working on my breathing patterns, then riding my bike to build up my legs again. My legs are unusually big for my size. I don’t like how my jeans fit because of it. I’m so tiny but my thighs are big. I realise it was due to my soccer and my running habbits in highschool and it’s just carrying along with me so I figure if I am going to be a skinny/big guy I want to have definetion. Not even muscle mass, just definition. I was reading some articles online as to what women like in males. Abs was the number one thing. I have a flat stomach and I have the line down the middle, but that’s about it. No six pack unless of course you look at it in a wierd reflective light or if you can just pretend, one of the two. No but you can see them when I do crunches but then again that doesn’t count. It said that a big "V" back makes a male that much more "sexier" to the opposite sex. Calves too. Biceps were on the lowest of females list however top of the male’s list. Biceps are suppose to be geared towards other guys and make them look bigger and badder(sp?).

So what is that I have to offer the opposite sex when it comes to physical attraction. I realised, not alot. I don’t have biceps, I have a flat boring stomach, a skinny thin back, calves that are half there and big thighs.

I realise that I don’t have much to offer physically except for my eyes. I have hazel eyes and I have a huge spot in one of the that I notice that every lady that has ever approached me has noticed right off the bat.

So that’s about it.

So that’s why I run. I run because I know I won’t develop six pack abs, nor will I gain buldging biceps or even scultped shoulders.

But I run becuase it’s a workout for my mind. I figure that’s really the only thing I have going for me if I use it for the right reasons. Running 2 miles will make your legs ache, your lungs burn and your throat scream for water, especially if you havn’t done it in a very long while. It’s a mind game, I want t develope my mind as much as posssible. I’ve been reading so much, news, newspapers, magazines, books anything I can put my hands on. All for my mind.

So I should be getting ready for bed. It’s reaching my eight hour mark. I’ve been doing very well with this the past 2 weeks or so. So well in fact for the past 2 days I’ve dreampt oh so sweet dreams. An idea that I never thought I’d be able to say or even concieve, but it’s here. I’m dreaming again. Not daydreaming with corvettes or with what my life has to be like in the future with the opposite sex. But weird stuff. I had a dream of milk, eggs and elk. I laughed as I begin to type but I woke up and isntantly realised why elk are called elk. Hunters were eating elk, had some milk and eggs and said hey, that would taste good with it and therefore combined milk and eggs to elk.

Weird stupid stuff, and it’s great. It helps too that I have the best comforter ever made. I beileve I’ve stated this time in and time out but my nautica comforter … oh so comfy. I like crawling in to bed at night. I love sleep. I love feeling the secrity of my bed and what hope it brings for the next day and each day from here on out.

But before I let the sleep overwhelm me, I just thought Id say goodnight all and hopefully your having as great a day as I’ve had.

take care all,
kc

"I just want to touch you girl, I want to feel you close to me, without your love I would give up now and walk away so easily … so maybe while were young we’ll figure out together, that even with the pain, there’s a remedy and we’ll be alright. I don’t want to live to see the day we say GoodBye."~Hootie & the Blowfish

As I’m sitting here, this song pops up randomly on my pretty extensive music collection. How odd that this song would come on, I thought I deleted it, many times. I suppose it didn’t, I suppose it’s there to serve as my life’s reminder.

I just have to sit back and smurk. I realise now that I’m lonley. It’s times like these when I wish I could share my insight, my ideas, my thoughts, my dreams, my world with another. It’s times like these when I just kind of sulk in my chair and face life. I’m alone. I’ve been single for just enough time now to hate going to the mall again, or to the movie complex. That’s where all the highschool/college kids go and it’s packed with couples. Happy ones, or at least fake ones.

I look around sometimes and it’s as if the world is spinning and I’m just standing still. Some guys, orgres – big hurly junky dorky idiotic goofy jockish guys, going out with gorgeous ladies. Probably as smart as my fish and about as intresting as a rock, but none the less. Then I see it opposite with girls to guys and it’s pretty intresting and it makes me kind of giggle.

It’s times like these when I’m most depressed. However, it’s times like these that I’m most happiest. I could have 2 kids and be married by now. Besides I don’t have the time or devotion for a signifigant other. She’d probably be pushed aside once the excitment settled down and then I’d probably want to be single again. Futher more I have so many goals and so many dreams that I need to challenge myself and achieve before I dare challenge anybody else.

-sighs-

Oh well. In time I suppose.

-sighs again-

So what is new? I started my new shift. Hopefully my new lifestyle. 8 hours of sleep is my goal. Which is why I need to be in bed at Midnight on nights that I go to school, and at 11:00 the days I go to work. I have to be up at 9:00am everyday for work and for school I have to go to school at 8:00am in the morning. No more sleeping in … bummer dude.

Oh well. school starts this wensday. I’m excited.

Wait, no I’m not. See I was excited becuase there will be alot of new ladies at the college, there always are during August, however with more ladies come more cars. With more cars means these ladies will have to park farther and farther out, closer to Betsie and I. I can live without that. I think I would exchange it all if that didn’t happen. I suppose it’s time to get going to bed now ..

take care all,
kc