Again I find myself compelled to watch the NIKE commercial with Lance Armstrong. It was not only an incredible marketing campaign, but it was also an incredible commerical. One that gives me goosebumps to watch. If you havin’t seen it head over to www.nikecycling.com and watch the ad.

To many times I have found myself reading message boards, chat rooms and such hearing other’s stories of cancer surviving. In my eyes cancer survivors share a unique bond. We can talk a million miles a minute of our own stories if anybody will listen. Over breakfeast lunch or dinner it doesn’t matter, our story is easily accesable and never forgetable.

I think that is why Lance Armstrong as become an idol to so many people in so many ways. He for me is an ever growing idol and it’s no surprise. With his back against the wall, his french sponsers dropping him, cancer, he like so many people have risen up to the challenge of LIFE and continued on. His story is very similar to cancer survivors and non-survivors alike. It’s a very special bond between cancer survivor and Lance. The story is diffrent in so many ways and yet the same at every glance to a cancer survivor or not. Setbacks, overcome, suceed. It’s the way of life, but lance has become a beacon of hope to everybody everwhere and he will continue to be.

So I say to you sir Lance Armstrong.

Ride On.

Silly captions … tricks are for kids! Ok .. I just noticed I have about 265 journal entries and a good junk of them have diffrent subjects. Wow. It’s not really that incredible now that I take a step back and realise how much devotion I’ve put into this, for everything for that matter. I’m just here right now. I think that’s how I am about 45% of my entries. Just here. Not tired, not energetic. I think it’s that time of night where I just want to hit the pillow but have no motivation to do so. Why you ask?

For a 3 letter word, it’s responses could be endless. I could go on forever as to why I can’t sleep. Is it due to work? School or just life? I’ve got no idea ..

However it does help to sleep hearing bubbles, bright neon lights and reflections of my fish as they swim around. I often wonder at times if they even know where their at. What their doing. What is their soul purpose in life? According to some nationally renowned scientist states that any being’s soul purpose is to create life. Oddly enough no where does is it state that it’s ok to help improve the quality of life. Some of us are not cut out to breed. I say that only because I hate kids. Ok, hate is such an incredibly strong word so I’ll rephrase that. I strongly dislike kids.

You see my ramling? I started off the paragraph talking about sleep and -POOF- my mind wanders into kids. Oh well …

So big news … again. Ok, I realise this however definetly some big news for me and ozweegoville anyways. My best and most promising ideas come to me when I’m showering. Probably because there isn’t a whole lot to think about when one showers. What is it that you think of when you shower? Hmmm .. maybe somebody should start that thread in the forum .. hehe.

Anywho … so back to the big news( I know I know … keep rambling). So I’ve got a good friend and another good friend that are going to have access to my website. Not my blog, but my website when it gets more of it’s content. One of the biggest things I want to do is write movie reviews. I love movies. Movies are my life so I figured Id want to incoorperate my movie and my website life together. I’ve got tons and tons of movies that need to be reviewed and they will help. I doubt they will do much but it’s a neat idea none the less. Also, I am going to be implementing very soon an email verification so I know who’s coming in and out. Only to my journal of course. Maybe I’ll have a news subscription. So much to do so little time!

-sighs- I wish I had the time … I wish I did. It would be so awesome. -sigh #2- … KC AND JOJO just came on playlist completly random with over 100+ songs on it and it’s playing "all my life". This song reminds me of that show on TLC the wedding show, you know, the one where the happy people get married to other happy people. So depressing …. and yet it’s a good song, can’t deny that. Can’t deny that …

I suppose I should be off … it’s two in the morning and I really need to disipline myself. 4 hours of sleep a night just doesn’t cut it … not after two years anyways. wow .. two years. wow.

-sighs- night all!
kc

So I beileve my break is here. I truly do beileve so. I don’t want to go over the top with this, so I may portray this as being somewhat, well .. somewhat reserved.

It all started about 2 days ago and I was at work. A women I had never met before, let alone seen came and sat in the cubicle next to me(aka desk). Anywho, we talked, small talk and such and the next thing I know we started talking about schedules and such. She asked me what I went to school for and when I told her she kind of perked up. She perked up even more when I told her I was studying Game design and development.

Supposidly her husband is a head hancho at hart interactive which is a programming firm that is always looking for programmers. My ticket. She said, turn in your resume and I’ll make sure it gets to everybody I know. So I have a lunch-in with this gentlmen sometime after the 16th of July.

It hit me. I will one day become a computer programmer, in MY chosen profession, making the big bucks doing something that I LOVE doing. And it’s not a matter of if, just a matter of when. It’s just a matter of when.

I rarley dream and for those of everybody that knows me, knows this. Ok, so I dream all the time. I dream of the day that I get my corvette. I dream of the day when I meet misses my perfect and she’s sitting next to me. I dream all the time, however dream in this context is at night, in la la land. I never dream, I have nightmares, never dreams. I drempt that my arm caught on fire, but my dream was backwards, all starting with this. From what I remember I was in the bahamas and for some reason I spilt my margarita on my arm, I didn’t shower for a couple of days and when I got off the cruise ship and was driving my corvette home, I acquired a redneck burn. You know, the type when it’s only your left arm, the one that’s hanging out the window? Yea, crispy my left arm was … and becuase I hadn’t showered the alcohol caught on fire and -POOF- I woke up in a cold sweat, but when I realised it was a dream I remember telling myself that if that was a nightmare, then I dont mind dreaming at all.

I usually dont dream, it’s usually quite the opposite. Dreams are suppose to be happy, unyeilding to the possibilities that one can achieve, silly things however my dreams are horrible. My dreams are false, misleading and provides a false sense of secrurity and even worse. Hope.

So I’ve made some intresting friendships at work. Mostly with one of my supivisors. He’s a werid guy to say the least. He’s like 40ish and has had multiple engagments that turned sour however he seems like the 70′s hippy type, and often doesn’t appear he has had many female relationships, but from what he tells me he’s had his fair share. Anywho, he’s going for his PHD in Psychiatry and he’s incredibly intellegent. He bought me a pack of tarot cards the other day. I think he finally got tired of me asking to read the book that came with the deck of cards. So he’s been talking to me before, during and after work just about stuff. He’s really helped me out quite a bit as far as my self. Wether it be confidance, motivation or respect for myself, he’s helped me out a quite a bit. It’s pretty funny becuase he always does my reading in the tarot and it always comes up, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS, hearts at the end of knives in some way shape or form. It’s usually the guy crouched over holding his knees with a bunch of arrows with hearts at the end extending from his back. He laughs everytime I ask him to read my "fortunes and directions" saying, what girl is it this time kc? Hehe. He’s helped me realise things that I’ve always told myself was never true, to except things as they are get over them. Stop being so bottled up, stop being so negative. I definetly am. That’s me and will always be me but I have lightened up quite a bit. I’m much more lax. One thing he says that hed like to help me on is my seclusiveness. At lunch or in big groups I’m always the quite one with nothing to say.

Everybody that knows me knows this isn’t the case at all. I have something to say about everything. Negative or positive, I can usually whip up a long novel pretty quick with any and all situations. Just not in big groups, especially with females which would explain my confidance. I was told I’d be surprised with the responses that I’d get from the opposite sex if I only ask.

If I only ask. It takes such courage and will to do such ventures. That’s not for me. I’m not one to ask. I need to get to know them before I even approach or feel for them a certain way. But anyways, this supivisor that is helping me says he doesn’t understand why I think the way I do. There are so many gorgeous, smart attractive ladies in the sea, and yet I’m so bummed when one or two have rejected me. That’s just it. So many diffrent fish in the sea, but every fish is still a fish, a special and unique fish in their own way.

I suppose all of this stuff is just coming down on me. I don’t have time for anything. I have found time latley to go for drives with Betsie. My roomate always invites people over but before they even get over I leave. I like being alone, I like driving with the windows rolled down at midnight, driving 5 below the speed limit. Just relaxing. I enjoy it so much. I hate it when I get back though. I get the "ARE YOU OK KC?" speech. Those, you don’t need to be alone speeches. It drives me nuts.

Just let me be. Just let me be.

I long for the days when I would be at home. I could smell the usual chicken, mashpotatoes and vegtables cooking by my mother in the kitchen and my father would either be playing with the dogs or laughing at sitcoms. I long for the days when I could easily slip into my own world with the simple motion of putting on my headphones. Listening to music. My escape. Coding and such. I long for the days when I would just drift in and out of subconsiousness and wake up automatically for school. I miss just sitting in class thinking to myself I can’t wait until I’m in denver.

Now I’m here, now what?

I’ll tell you. I long for those days. It’s a vicious cycle. I suppose I should just calm down, slow down and accept the fact that I’m 19, I have a long road of ahead of me and depending on how I pave it, it can and will go smoothly. I’m suppose I’m just burned out.

I suppose I’m just looking for a break. Just one. Right now over my 3 biggest subjects – Relationships, Personal, Career. I want my break to come in my Career. I want it to jumpstart and everything else will follow suit. I’ve already cozied up to the fact that I may be single forever, that my personal life will revolve around my career and that my career HAS to lift off for life to be sucessful. It just has to.

And you know something, I think, I hope, I pray that I’ve found it.

This is my big break, and I’m taking full advantage of it.

I’m so tired right now. It doesn’t help other factors are coming into play right now such as my heavey eye lids. I often find myself typing with my eyes closed, free flow writing. I wake up the next morning and I can’t remember what I write. I don’t erase it. Text written here stays here. No need to delete it. I have nothing left to hide …

My heart, my brains, my ideas, my ways of thinking all left out on the table to be analyzed and picked apart by you. How does that make you feel Dr. -insert your name here-? I only hope it makes you feel as good as it makes me feel knowing this

I should be going … the last hour is a blur and I can’t remember much. I’m so tired. So tired.

Goodnight all,
theMayor

PS.
Paycheck was a phenominal movie

So here we are .. it’s about 11:15ish and I was suppose to be working on my trig homework that’s due tomorrow .. I have approximatly 4 sections to do before my test tommorow. It’s got it’s pro’s and cons procrastinating, one of which I have to be up for another hour or so but also it may mean that I’ll have it all fresh in my head before the test! I suppose one of my biggest faults is my in-efficiency. I put so much work into something with no planning or structure and -POOF- it all goes to mayhem.

So I’m home. It’s not quite home until you do your first load of laundry, or until you get the internet. We did. It’s a trade-off. One of my roomates opened his yapper and was like do we get to keep the FREE cable? Of course we don’t but thanks for bringing it up! -sighs- Anywho .. no matter. Between tv and internet I’d choose the internet anyday.

So we all agreed that we’d go with a wireless network. Big mistake or not? I’m not quite sure as of yet. I bought my upgrade for my computer, put it in and everything was working QUITE SHIBBY. Until of course murphy’s law kicked in. Basically anything that can go wrong will go wrong. For some reason my network card didn’t go quite right with my motherboard. After about 4 hours of scratching my head, and of course troubleshooting, I pulled everything out and put in component by component. I got it down to the stuipd network card. I updated all of my drivers and settings for both my PCI slots as well as an upgrade to my BIOS(which is super shibby due to the limitations of previous BIOS versions) and also for this network card. Still freezes.

So it’s day 1 of day 3 and I’m so beyond frustrated. Nothing is working right and I deciede to just say forget it … for tonight. I find out it was an IRQ conflict and I fiddled around for it for about 3 hours. 3 calls to D-LINK for technical support and also 2 D-LINK dwl-520 cards later, I deciede to go back to Best Buy for the 3rd and final time. I paid an extra 20 bucks and had a linksys instead. Beautiful. Thank goodness I didn’t have to upgrade my motherboard.

Bad news or good news? Well it works right now … and it works beautifully however some bad stuff happened. Horrendous things! My photos of the ocean journey, GONE, my new ozweegoville GONE. All of it. I was trying to copy it over to my second partition but the problem I was having with the network cards is that it would completly freeze my computer and the only way to fix it would be to reboot. Grrrr …

So I’m trying to be positive. So much time just WASTED for such an easy concept and something that is going to be such worthwhile, so the only thing I could think positive for loosing all of my pictures is the simple fact I’m going to have go back! But this time I will be prepared. You see, I only had the capabilities to take about 30 good quality pictures. I take pictures of anything and everything, I also like to take videos and such. I upgraded the memory from 16mb to 128mb and now instead of taking only 30ish pictures, I can now take well over 200. Due to the poor quality from the pictures taken(I have never had to take pictures indoor under such poor lighting) I now know the in’s and out’s of my camera and thus I can take much better quality pictures. So I am stoked about that… I’ve been wanting to do that for quite some time. Also I figured out how to use my camera as a web cam. I have a Fuji camera that was about 500$ when it first came out about two or three years ago but I got it half off for only 200$ about a year ago. It is superb especially for my amatuer needs but hopefully everything will work itself out .. so sorry .. not pictures as of yet ..

So I picked up my room and re-organized some of my lacking parts in my room. I realised that I still have all my computer boxes. I can’t even bare to part with my boxes. The boxes to all of my components. Perhaps when I look at them, it’s as if it’s a dirty pleasure. Something I did for me and only for me. I have the money and it took me forever to save up for it and even longer to do the research on it, and furthermore I felt like I spent it irresponsibly. Perhaps not if all my bills are paid but I’m one to have a cushion, and when the cushion starts to deflate, if even for a little bit the danger starts to appear.

So I need to get on my math before it gets any later!

take care all,
kc

So I’m back, ok… not completly online as of YET. Tommorow we are suppose to have cable internet installed but we’ll see. No guarentees especially with cable companies. Anywho .. I’m typing and I’ve probably have cameras watching me. -waves to the cameras-
So anyways… today was an incredibly fun filled day. Last night we had a get together with a bunch of strangers. They were friends with one of my roomates. I feel he’s going to be a good outlet for us guys that are hermits so to speak. It was nice to see some fresh faces and of course the ladies outnumbered the guys 2 to 1.It was alot of fun and we watched ZOOLANDER. Halarious movie. Comic genius and of course the company made it that much more better. One of the guys was from texas so we had a good gab. They definetly tell me with my tongue that I’m from the east. The way I say call, card, talk and such. They thought it was halarious especially because I’m from New Mexico/Texas. So that was alot of fun.

Today we all went out to eat. We ate at an italian deli. One of the best in Denver. It was a 10$ meal but it was fantastic. The best thing was the 2 italian guys that own the place(which was a great place for a first date by the way) not only do they own it but they also help out cleaning and such. It was very respectable. I liked it alot and of course it made it that much more cooler because it was downtown. Ever since I’ve broken up with JoAnna I’ve done so much more stuff it’s incredible. We also went to "Ocean Journey" Today. Phenomenal. I loved that place and took 50+ pictures and a couple of vides. I have a cool video with a shark swimming behind me. I also took a picture of a BALA SHARK in it’s natural environment. It was huge and it was so incredible just to see that mine is huge but only a 10th of the size as to what it can be! It was amazing. We saw some otters(sp?) which were very adorable. I have a picture of some otters just laying on their backs in the water with their little hands perched. I took some cool movies of some jelly fish. I’m getting ALL of this together and especially tommorow because we are getting internet definetly stay tuned. The pictures did come out awesome! I just bought a camera and it was pretty pricey however I’m so glad that I went on this trip today because I know now exactly what I want in my next camera! Oh well .. I’ll save that for another day. Well, I only have a half hour and I’ve already used 22minutes of my time… so I’ll cut it short for today.

Today was increidble! I loved it .. and had a blast and definetly stay tuned for my photos that I took!

take care,
kc