So I’ve finally dug out my laptop in hopes of finding some new found faith in all that’s transpired over the last few weeks. I didn’t ever feel I’d look at my laptop the same way ever again. I thought it was the cause of our breakup. Ok, ok … so I’m being a little harsh but I really did. I thought I spent to much time on it, doing homework and the such. So I never really paid much attention to her. So broken heart in hand, along with my laptop I sit before you today.
Finished. That’s all I can think of at the moment. Well, that’s what describes me and jo anyways. I can’t even remember who called who or even why, in fact it didn’t even matter. We talked for about a half hour, then I decided to ask her out to eat. To my dismay she accepted. Wether it was to get a free meal out of it or to see me I don’t know. I’d like to think it was more of the second choice but who knows. We talked. It was almost errie as if nothing was bothering her. I could tell something was though just because of the awkward silences between us. Of course silence didn’t last very long nor was it something that happened often but when it did, it did. I figured we’d talk about our relationship when we went out to eat but it didn’t happen. We ended up recaping the good times in the last 6 months, what’s happened in our own seperate lives apart for the past 2 weeks and of course the meal. It was a good meal by the way …
So we pull up in my parking lot and it’s as if she’s to shoo me out the door. But then it happened. We started to talk. Talk about everything. We parked and just talked. When we returned home it was about 1:30am. I think we talked until about 3 or 3:30 in the morning. All sorts of things. Our communication problem, other things that were bothing us. To make a long story short I basically told her that I still do care for her and that I would like her back in my life. I stated that if something in particular I did wrong I would change but if it was just me, I told her that I wouldn’t be pretending to be somebody or something that I’m not. I don’t want that. I don’t want to beg for forgiveness I just want to make things work.
I also made clear that I was very uncertain which way I should approach the situation. To my surprise she was very forgiving and understanding of it all. I advised her that I didn’t know what to do. Should I just sit back and pretend I don’t care? Or do I hound her to death as the typical geeky ex-boyfriend? Either way. It didn’t matter. Basically all in all I spoke my piece and she was just there. Nodding in agreeance and of course she said alot of things to me.
So let me re-cap what she told me but in my own words and of course a very shortened version of it. She told me that she understood my time constraints, laptop the whole works, and it didn’t even bother her that much. Really the point being is that I don’t think she’s ready for a commitment. She likes the single life and with her personality it portrays that all the time. "Be single or tone down the personality some".
She choose to be single.
Let me explain why I don’t feel so horrible now though. At the end of the conversation I told her that I wanted somesort of closure. One way or another. I told her that once I left the car that would be it. One way or another. She just sort of blanked stared not knowing what to say or what to do for about five minutes. I started to leave and said goodbye and she was just there staring. I’ve never seen her so troubled before. Ever. The reason why I don’t feel so bad is becuase I beileve in my heart she knows what she is going to be missing out on.
Only time can tell fanclub. I need to get ready for work however.
bye all.
kc
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