Hmpf!

Wow, has it really been a month since i’ve last posted a journal entry? Geesh, it sure doesn’t feel like it. Hoenst it doesn’t. My roomate, my new roomate moved in, it has been about a month which is so weird, It feels just like yesterday I was dreading the day that my roomate was to be here. Anyways, I still can’t figure out why I am typing this silly journal entry rather than doing my group project for my english class. God I hope I never have to lay eyes on another english essay for as long as I live! Anyways, as for me, betsie is getting fixed monday. It has been long overdue. I finally got a cd player for her, it looks sort of weird, but definetly a cool add-on for her.

Today it snowed, and today I realised that I am only 11 months away from moving away from denver. Once upon a time kc was so anxious to get to denver, and now that I’m here and making it, I wish to return home. Maybe I wasn’t ment to be out on my own? Who knows…

As for lauren, I havn’t spoken to here in a while. I mean, I spoke with her the other night except for the fact that I’m not quite sure if it was on good terms or bad terms or what. I went out to a social gathering when I should have stayed home. I feel so frustrated sometimes. I mean, she knows what she means to me, and yet she thinks I’m a bad guy. I’ve tried my hardest, well.. obviously not good enough but I’ve tried none the less. I would go to pick her up an hour early, Everything I did, I’d always try to incorperate her into my day, washing my car or running errands with me ect… Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this, but I am definetly feeling this. Sometimes I feel that I’m completly wrong for her. I mean, I try to maintain chilvary, I wouldn’t even concieve of laying a hand on her, my hear would melt just touching her hand, or is it becuase I feel I try to do to much? Or not enough? I honestly don’t feel I’ve won her over like some of the fellows before me. I can remember nights when I used to curl up in my bed with hootie and the blowfish blaring "let her cry" as I thought about her, and what she’d used to say, "he’s so nice to me","why am I so lucky". she was so happy. I suppose now that I am sitting here, thinking/reading/typing all of this, I may have ruined it for her. All of this is my fault in some way. So was so happy… that’s all I can think about right now. Maybe I’m just jealous. That has to be it. I hate jealousy, but I guess that’s what you get when you think about a gorgous woman (inside and out) for an extended period of time. Maybe I should blur her name out. But then I suppose i’m hoping that she reads this. And in the same sense i hope she doesn’t. I don’t want to fight anymore. I dont want to be apart or alone anymore. I would give anything to take one more ride with betsie, and she in my passanger side seat, watching her sleep as I pull up to a red light. Deep down there are two parts of life. Dream and Reality. To have one more drive would be a dream, but reality… reality is just cruel.

I need to finish my paper now. Thanks citezens of ozweegoville for hearing my plea

peace
~Mayor of OzweegoVille~