Hey all,
I suppose now more then ever I need ozweegoville. The only place that I feel accepted. The only place where I am admired, and perhaps the only place where I might find that special somebody in my life. I suppose that is just something that happens to you when you see a million and one happy couples walking past you in the streets. For this reminds me of valentines day. Probably one of the most greatest and hated holidays in all of america. The world for that matter. Where you either have that special somebody in your life and you are as happy as can be, or lonley, wishing that the day was over, and the day would soon come where you’d never have to see it ever again.
I think this year, more so than past years, it hurts me the most. I’ve tackled so many things in life, from denying death, to living out on my own, full time job and full time school, to dealing with life’s everyday challenges. I realise I’m young, probably neive for thinking of such thoughts, but my happiest moments in life come to me when I am sharing it with somebody else.
I don’t know, maybe I’m jealous. At the movie theatre’s I see them holding hands,at the mall I see them shopping together, purchasing groceries, washing their car’s together, just thinking about sitting down one night watching a good movie together. Taking a nice long walk around the pond, or buying ice cream talking about the day. All of which make me terribly depressed and saddened and more importantly, ever so lonley.
On the same hand I realise how much I have going for me right now. I realise I am only 18 and before I am 20 I will have an associates in computer programming, have lived and survived college life, single life, and denied death due to cancer. Far more than most young gentleman my age have done. I have so much going for me, and to realise that by brining somebody into my life would be a huge mistake. Not until I am at the top of my game. Not until I am where I want to be as a person shall I let somebody into my life.
I try to keep telling myself this, although nothing really seems to help. It’s a never ending, horrible nightmare in which I want to escape everday. Everyday. Some more so than others, and maybe for a split second, I do want that special lady to share my life with, Just not right now, but on the same hand I am driving myself crazy telling myself that.
Sometimes I hate life for all of it’s trials and tribulations. On the same hand I realise that life has so much more to offer if I only open my eyes, and see beyond all of which is brought forth to me. I suppose I am being very silly in this matter. You probably think I am weird, and that’s fine. Think as you wish, for that’s why I created OzweegoVille, for me and me only. Well, let me rephrase that. For me and Betsie only.
The other day I got betsie out of the auto body shop. They did an excellent job on her. I was so depressed the days without her. As if somebody ripped my heart out and fed it to the lions. And as the lions were feasting, god was laughing at me as he usually does. It’s not uncommon anymore for me to be depressed and hear laughing in the background. Sometimes I think life is punishment for my previous lives, sometimes I feel life is great and couldn’t be any better.
I don’t know, maybe I should see a doctor for my bi-polarisim. Anywyas, just know betsie is my life, for the time being, then comes school… which hopefully will turn me into a respectable, well though of gentleman that I am not now.
kc
Ps, ozweegoville is coming, oh it’s coming…..
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