Well journal, I suppose people don’t understand that i am watching their every move… every link they click on, every button they press, what time they get here, what time they leave, how long they look at a site, yes I do know journal, but nobody else does…

You see, it’s funny. the link "my babe" doesnt refer to that special someone in my life, or my girlfriend. Why you ask? Becuase I don’t have one!!! "my babe" refers to my one and only! my babe, my betsie!!! so why is it that everybody wants to see my babe’s "rear view". I swear, that is the most clicked on picture of this site… this site, for the most part, is rated pg. so if your looking for naked pictures of my girlfriend or my signifigant other, remember, I don’t have one, so go look for porn somewhere else…

anyways, for those of you that are here for me, and not for the rear view of my babe, then you’d be happy to know life is still crappy. But it’s a good crappy. I can’t explain, nor do I want to. not now. maybe later, after my 11 hour drive home on the 8th. But not now. tonight me and a couple of people are going to a place called redrocks, just to go, chill relax and have some fun. It’s up in the mountains near a creek, so yea, should be fun. more fun than I had today at work, which is a whole nother story in itself which I will tell you more about tommorow. Today, as of right now I am going to go jump in the shower and then head out, for me and betsie and some other folks are going to go relax! oh boy, great fun!

kc

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don’t give a f–k if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I’ve reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don’t give a f–k if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I’m contemplating suicide

Cause I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

I never realised I was spread too thin
To live was too late
And I was empty within hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Cause I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Nothing’s alright
Nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying
I’m crying
I’m crying
I’m crying
I’m crying

I can’t go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don’t give a f–k if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I’m contemplating suicide

Cause I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Nothing’s alright
Nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying

I can’t go on living this way
Can’t go on
Living this way
Nothing’s alright

Yea… that about sums it up…

kc

Yippie! well let me tell you how my last few days have gone. Last night I get off work, feeling like the lady in aliens, you know the one where the alien pops outof her stomach. I was so sick, it wasn’t even funny. So I took some medication and out like light bulb I went..
today I wake up, my throat is firey red that is burning like crazy! But i’m ok with it, why you ask? Today I putin my two week notice at work. Which is only about a weeks worth of pay, anyways, she was a b with an itch about it so she said that she wanted me to leave today, instead of two weeks, so i was like hell yes!!! Anyways, I hated that job, no respect, pay sucked, and there was no way of advancement. so yea, it stunk. Anyways, that means I am going home!!!! I cant wait. Oh man, I can’t wait. I am just going stir crazy. I miss my family friends and my highschool sadly enough Hehe, I so can’t wait till I get home to see how big my boy max is getting. (max is my german shepard) anyways, I also can’t wait to see my lexie girl, man,I have a fuzzy feeling inside me right now. I know it’s an 11 hour drive, but you know what? I love to drive, I love betsie and I’m sure that the ride home will be fairly decent:) I am so excited, you have no idea. supposidly I may just get to see lauren. which would be icing on the cake, although I’m satisfied with just being able to see my boy max, my girl lexie, and my folks. Eating a HUGE dinner, actually being full!! Oh boy! you know, I think I am losing weight, I think so anyways, or maybe I am just a whale still. Either way, I can’t wait to eat!!! well, I need to go, you all have a great day. Although it can’t be ANY better than mine!
take care
kc

Anyways, i’m bored, which is ok with me, just because I like to be bored. ON top of that I am going, somehow, on only 4 hours of sleep :@ I dont get sleep, then I get bored, cranky or depressed. choose one I don’t care, anyways, i’m done maybe i’ll write more on my break, who knows.
take care
kc

WEll, all was well. I thought I was going home. I got my parents to agree. My parents, mom specific, didn’t want me to drive all the way home. Dad I don’t think really minded al that much, anyways, got the parent’s ok, next was my mall job. No big deal, i’m all set. Now for my job here. Well, nope. It didn’t go through. I have no reason why either. I suppose excelling at your job, not being late, and working for about 3 months, doesn’t cut it? I suppose.

At first I was so pissed. I couldn’t beileve it. I had so much stuff I had to do. Stuff I wanted to do. Tons of places to go and about a million times more people to see. to be able to eat a good meal, sneak up on my lexie girl so that she would let me rub her belly and to chase max around the yard. Man, I was so ticked my head could have exploded for all I cared. But now I realise, this is just the motivation that I need to quit this job, find another. So what I am going to do now is wait this job out for alittle longer. I picked up like fifty applications today. So… -evil grin- I am going to wait a little while longer until I land a job. I have about 3 really good opportunities(sp?) right now. so we’ll see. anyways, I had better get going, I got the internet at my house, but for some reason I am typing this in the library… odd… anyways… tonight on my night off, I am going ot chill, drink lots of coke, watch lots of tv and type so much that my finger tips bleed. I am so happy and depressed right now I can’t even describe it. But who knows what tommorow holds, I sure as heck dont.
take care
kc