Bleh

This is a test?

Well, latley I have done alot of thinking. Had a reality check. Got to realise all of my stupid wishful thinking. After this situation, Im not bitter or mad, just dissapointed in myself. I think way too much. I think about what was, what is and what could have been. I also thought that maybe Im just not a good enough person to hold onto. That sort of negativity will get me into trouble. So I quickly disproved those ideas.

Latley I have been under alot of stress, for some obvious reasons or not. work andI have a doctors appointment coming up. If I pass this test then I dont have to show up for another five years. If I fail then my cancer is back. I hate doctors. I hate them. It’s in times like the present that I wish that it does come back, so that way I dont have to worry about anybody or anything else ever again. Just an eternity of rest. But then, that is stupid. And silly of me. I get to thinking about all the negative right now. but my beacon of hope is betsie. She’s waiting for me right now. I used to think that betsie wasnt everything to me. That people hold a high place in my heart. Beileve you me, they do, but betsie, she is steadily climbing. I think it is safe to say betsie means everything to me.

32 days until my life changes. 32 days before I enter the land opportunity. 32 days until I leave everything behind including my worries. 32 days.. just 32 days.. and now.. now I count the seconds..

kc